Fears for the Future and Moving On

There's no getting away from the fact that separation and divorce is a one of life’s most painful experiences. In fact, most people say that it was worse than they ever expected it to be.

After you’ve done most of your grieving and sorted out most of the practicalities of being separated, you’ll need to start thinking about the future and rebuilding a new life. There is no set time period for this as people reach this point in their own time and very much in stages.

People often deal with a crisis by taking one step at a time and not looking too far into the future. Thinking about the future after relationship breakdown can be worrying. It’s easy to get bogged down in all the losses and disappointments and it can be a struggle to imagine anything going right again.

Lots of people find it often feels like a case of two steps forward three steps back but in time you will get there.

You will have good days and bad days and it helps to really celebrate those good days or just the small things that go well.

Try not to give yourself too hard a time about any set backs. Most people find after a couple of years of being separated they can start thinking about the future in a more constructive way and start to see how far they have come.

To help make sure that you move on and don’t get stuck in the past it’s a good idea to allow yourself to visualise the future. But the rules of this bit are that you have to imagine a future where things have gone as well as you could have expected.

Imagine what it will be like when you’re feeling calmer; you’re coping as a single parent; you have a good parent partnership with your ex; you’re financially more secure, you’ve created a new home; you’ve got a social life and you’ve ended all the emotional turmoil of the separation.

Being able to imagine yourself as contented in the future makes it more likely to happen. It becomes something to work towards and stops you becoming a victim. Most importantly it helps you to get on with your life and take responsibility for your future.

Theparentconnetion.org.uk has a forum where you can chat to others. It can really help to move you forward by talking to people who have been through separation and have built or are building a new life.

Many will have undoubtedly been through the same set backs and same phases as you. People often say it helps most to talk to others who won’t be judgemental as they have been through separation themselves. The forum is a good place to start you will probably find not only does it make you feel less isolated but you will be helping others too and this can be a great way of getting your confidence back.