How to Manage Disagreements

Remember it's not separation that harms children but exposure to rows and disagreements. Developing a way of working out disagreements protects your children and stops your stress levels going through the roof.

Disagreements are a normal part of everyday life.

Mums and dads often have different views about what's best for their children whether they're separated or not! Ask yourself how important the disagreement really is. Quite often the best way to deal with a difference is to just let it go or agree a compromise.

Unresolved disagreements.

When dealing with more important issues arrange a time and place to talk about it properly where the children won't overhear. Avoid the temptation to either bully your way to agreement or to avoid discussing it at all. Emphasise your desire to work it out and do your best for the children. Then make sure you really understand each other. It's easy to make assumptions about the other's needs and motives - ask questions and check the facts.

Language and behaviour.

Be respectful and try to avoid blaming and making personal slights. Above all, avoid getting drawn into the past. Focus on the future and what you are willing to do to improve things. Keep reminding yourself that this is about the children and they are looking to you both to sort things out for them.

If your efforts don't work, try mediation. Mediators are skilled at helping parents to resolve disagreements. They may help you to see things differently to enable you to reach an agreement.