Parenting Plans
A Parenting Plan is a personal document detailing how you intend to share your duties and responsibilities as parents. It can include everything from where the children will live right down to who takes them to the dentist. When you are together you don’t have to think too hard about this – you make it up as you go along. This doesn’t work after separation. One reason why some parents get into difficulties over their parenting is that they haven’t thought through together what the ‘blueprint’ for their children will look like. Whether you have a formal Parenting Plan or an informal one, you should start thinking about how you will share the care of your children as soon as the decision to separate has been made.
A useful place to start is to give some thought to your general aims – again, something you don’t need to do when you’re together. They can include things like:
- Do you believe that your children need both of you to take an active part in their lives?
- Do your children have a right to a good relationship with each of you and your extended families?
- Do you intend to support each other as parents?
- Do you aim to have a cooperative relationship and to keep communicating about your children?
- Are you committed to taking account of your children’s wishes?
- How will you avoid drawing your children into our disagreements?
The basic headings to then think about are:
- Day to day arrangements.
- Holidays
- Special days – e.g. birthdays
- Child maintenance
- Routine care – communication about health, education, activities.
- Important details:
- Phone calls
- Changes to the arrangements
- Illness
- Homework
- Discipline e.g. bedtimes and TV.
- Joint decision making and consultation. E.g. New partners, moving house.
- How regularly to review the plan
- In addition to the basic plan you could consider whether you need to individualise it for each child.
If you are unable to agree the details with the other parent, a mediator will help you. Mediators don’t take sides. They are trained to listen to both sides and to help you listen to each other. They have a high success rate in helping parents to agree on a plan going forward.
Follow this link for more information on tips and advice for after separation
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