Can anybody advise?
I wish I'd found (or even looked for) this site a few months ago. I spilt with my partner at the start of the year, it was mutual and amicable for the sake of our 2 year old daughter. We were not married but own a house togetether that has sadly lost a lot of value meaning we can't sell. We made the decision that I would move out and live with my parents for the time being as it is not far away. As far as custody goes we have split the time we spend with our daughter very fairly, she has a day with each of us at the weekend, i pick her up from nursery or grandparents monday wednesday and friday, have tea with her, get her ready for bed and take her back to her mum's in time for bed. So with the exception of Friday when she stays with me she sleeps at her Mum's. I know I'm in a much better situation than many fathers out there but from a passing comment of a friend I'm now worried that should any dispute come about in the future, the fact that my daughter mainly sleeps at her Mum's would reduse my rights if God forbid we should end up in court.
Can anyone advise please?
Comments
You're right guys, it's just easy sometimes to presume the worst. I'm not at all sure what we did that made the split so amicable, we both tried hard to save the relationship but I thimk the main thing was that we both realised at the same time (and not in the middle of an arguement) that it was never going to work. I think my ex knew how important being a father was to me and she realsised that there was no way I was ever going to be an absentee dad. Fortunatly she didn't use that information to hurt me.
I have to say, I know it's early days, but I've come to realise pretty quickly that if you can make it work then life for the child and actually yourself can be much better too. I know me and my ex get on better now we've split than we did for years, but also we are making the time we have with our daughter much more quality. I see her for one day in the weekend so that day us all about us, I have the other day for the housework etc, I even have a weekend night that I can go out on without worry or guilt! I hope it stays like this (I'm sure new relationships will be the big hurdle and I'll be asking advise again then!). Good luck to all Dads out there and thanks for the advise.
Hi, it'd be good if you wanted to share how you set up that arrangement in the first place - what do you think you did which helped it work? Great for other Dad's to hear. Thanks for the post!
Hi,
Would you have done something differently if you'd found this site a couple of months ago? Are you both happy with the arrangements? If I were you I'd keep it that way. Friends are probably only making comments to try to help but sometimes we can get fearful about things that might happen and start acting in a way that provokes them! That's when stuff spirals off. So keep in focus what you and your ex are doing well - we might hear the most about the court disputes but they're generally the minority of cases where people haven't managed to work things out as well as you.
It doesn't sound as though you're about to end up in court about your daughter. Even if you were ever in that position a court would try to look at all the circumstances and you've got a strong relationship with your daughter, which I'm sure you could show. If things get tense about the house question make sure you say and stick to the principle that you'll keep your daughter and her arrangements away from any of that conflict.
Seriously, I think you've managed something really cool.
Hi ! Firstly well done that you both made the decision to be amicable for the sake of your daughter . its not always an easy thing to do but what a wonderful gift you have given her . I suppose that begs me to ask the question what might happen to both of you that you would want to hand that responsibilty over to any court to make a decision about your daughter when up to now you have done such a fantastic job . Courts want parents to be the decision makers ( assuming there are no risk issues ) and if you and your partner were to get stuck on any future arrangements , you could use organisations like mediation to help you try and resolve this without the need for court . It might help you to know that your daughter has the right to have both parents in her life ...as parents you have the responsibilty of making this happen and the courts would want you both to continue doing what you are doing ... putting your little girl first and sharing the care of her that best fits her needs .hope that helps !