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My husband says he wants to split but that we should try mediation. I just don't know if can trust him - he's done so many things I never expected, so how can I believe anything he says now? There are so many things to sort out I don't know where to start.
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Thanks Jaybee and others I've got a meeting next week so will see how it goes. Looking back I suppose I could have seen it coming but I thought we would sort things out. But I've found out he wasn't honest about quite a few things so that's been a shock. You're right I haven't really got my head around it. A friend's been good, she went through something similar, but I don't want to bring it all back for her by talking about it all the time!
Do you want to split, did you see it coming or was it a real shock? Loads of questions I know, but if you saw it coming you will probably be more ready to sort things out so that you can begin to live separate lives. If it was totally unexpected you might need a bit of time and help to get your head around it. If it was a shock having a friend or close family member you can trust to confide in can help you get to a stage where you can make use of a mediator to help you sort things out. Good luck!
Me and my ex used mediation to sort out who had the house and what maintenance I should pay her etc. My ex had run up a lot of debt without my knowledge so like you I was very wary about using mediation but the mediator we had was good. She made sure all the facts and figures were out in the open which made it hard for my ex to carry on pretending that there wasn't a problem. I think we both expected that we'd end up rowing but the mediator kept us going and was v fair. I know if we'd used solicitors it would have got really nasty. At least the mediator made it easier for us to talk. We're going back to mediation to talk about how much time I have with the children for holidays this year. We probably could do it by ourselves but i know there's less chance of us arguing if we have a mediator there.
I don't want to be over re-assuring about mediation, as I am sure there are good reasons why you feel uneasy about it. However, mediators are trained to ensure, as far as possible, that the sort of 'power games' that sometimes take place when separated couples try to sort things out, are avoided. You should be offered an initial meeting with the mediator on your own. This would be your opportunity to talk to someone independently about the issues that concern you and how to deal with these in a joint meeting with your ex. On balance I believe/ hope that you would find mediation helpful and supportive and I would recommend that you at least give it a try.