Christmas dilemma with daughter's father
I have a daughter of 6 from a previous relationship. I have a 3 year old child with my partner now. My 6 year old sees her dad every Friday night. Everything has been fine up until now. Over the past few months my daughter has been complaining that she is not enjoying staying with her dad as his mother has no time for my daughter and is mean to her. She often ignores my daughter and shouts at her, which I have spoken to my ex-partner about.
However, a new problem has now occurred! Her dad now wants her to stay with him this Christmas Eve. She has never stayed at his house on Christmas Eve before. I always take her to his house on Christmas morning and he has always been happy with this.
However, when I told him that the same would be happening this year again - he went mad!! I have had abusive text messages and phone calls since. He asked to speak to our daughter and he started blackmailing her on the phone, saying that he has been "crying" all day that she is not staying over and that he can’t see her on Christmas Day because he has other plans.
He also told her that she won't be getting her Christmas presents from him and his family until the Friday after when he sees her next. I have asked my daughter what she wants to do and she is adamant that she wants to stay in my house on Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning with her sister. She told her dad this on the phone and he told her that it was not up to her, but up to him as he is her dad! I am furious with him. He was trying to play with my daughter's mind.
Should I make my daughter stay over at his on Christmas Eve even although she doesn't want to? Or should I refuse?
Comments
The manipulation here is heartbreaking. Will your little girl look back at what should have been one of the happier times of her life as the time she was completely turned off by Christmas?! I do get a feeling of manipulation from her dad. He sounds like he is panicking because he is desperate to do something else on Christmas day, and is doing all in his power to make sure he appears to be doing the right thing.
But I also get a feeling of anger from you? You might be confusing your daughter. She probably feels guilty having to choose between her mum and dad – this is a very big deal for a 6-year-old. If she has to go to her dad's for Christmas Eve, make sure that she can have some very special times with you either before hand or directly after Christmas day (is there a special event that you can book?) Time to let go of the argument that you're still having with your ex-partner and start thinking about the fun, loving things you could do with your daughter?
If your daughter didn't mind I would have said she should definitely stay with him - there's no automatic reason why she should be with you rather than him on this day. If the day falls with him then it falls with him. Especially as you see her much more than he does.
BUT your daughter has clearly said she wants to be with you (for whatever reason). I think she should be with you until late on Christmas day and go to her Dad to spend Boxing Day with him. You should ask her permission to tell him the reasons for not going at Christmas and if she gives it then tell him.
Next time the two of you should be discussing this, you should ask her first, as now she's truly in the middle, having to persuade him to let her stay with you, but knowing that he'll have a rubbish Christmas without her. She'll have a nagging feeling all day now.
Hi, if I were you I would let her stay at home with me. From what I have read she is having a pretty rough time especially as her nan isn't interested in her.
They are only little once and Christmas is a magical time for children. I am separated from my kids father and he knows they will wake up with me and that they want that too. Stick to your guns, I would.