ex partner not biological father
my 15 yr old son has moved in with my ex partner because of a row that could be resolved but my ex has persuaded our 11yr old daughter to go and live with him also... he has just renovated a barn and the children have luxury on-suites, etc etc... i left my ex nearly 4 years ago - last year met my new partner and quite soon he moved in with his 2 children - of similar age... all was going well until I rowed with my son about his rudeness, untidiness... general stuff nothing major.. now my son says the house is too crowded.. i want whats best for my children and my ex can provide for them - all be it he is asking me for maintenance so soon... stopped my benefits ... i work part-time and will have to get a full-time job ( no problem, like the idea) but it will also mean moving to a cheaper rented acccomodation - as my new partner has felt guilty and that he is to blame and so has moved backed home with his children.. :(... i want my children to live with me and continue to see my ex as before - one night a week and every or at weekends... can i insist that my son comes home - as my ex is not his???
Comments
Good luck!
thank you for your comments... It really has helped me feel supported and yes I will be speaking with my children shortly... I haven't seen them for a while and even though they are in contact with other members of my family, I understood they needed a little space, quiet time... I just want to continue to be able to have some say in their future and not to be ignored... I'm hopeful this weekend we will all be able to talk and listen and sort it out... Thanks again :)
Hi. If you've taken some time to know what you want, including how you see things going forward with your new partner (and his view on that), then give your kids chance to say what's important to them (not the same as asking them to choose what happens) and you'll be in a position to talk to your ex about what's the best plan next, if possible. Probably best to avoid things just flip-flopping back and forth without proper discussion as your kids would end up making all the decisions and that's a lot of responsibility for them. Mediation could be an option too, as there's a fair bit of planning involved. Your children could have a voice during that process. Sounds like you're being pretty adaptable during all this uncertainty but take care of yourself too!
You seemed to have gone from living with new partner , two kids and two stepkids to being completely on your own . that must be hard. In terms of a 15 year old , they seem to have a mind of their own and if that is what he had decided to do it might be difficult to get him to change his mind . Does he still feel the same way now that the home is no longer what he saw as overcrowded ? I am not sure how long your 11 year old has been there ... has she settled into the new home ? is she able to continue in her present school ? do your regualarly see the children ?
I suppose I am wondering how your children feel about all this ? It sounds as if you want what is best for the children ... 15 year olds need boundaries what ever home they live .in . Younger children do not like having to choose between their parents. As the adults, can you and your ex have a discussion about what would provide the most stability for your chidlren taking into consideration their wishes and feelings ?