Full time father needs to know my rights to my child =/
I am currently going through a split with the mother of my 14 month old daughter. We are currently both still residing in the same property, as we both have a legal right to. I gave up my job so my partner could go back to work (this was necessary as she had spent 2 years on paid maternity leave plus grievance leave in the middle due to the loss of our first daughter at birth.) She had to return full time for the minimumof a year, or pay back the 2 years paid leave. I have been a full time father now for about a year, and following this split, am doubting my ex partners capability to be a good parent following her actions the past few months. (drinking heavily, not coming home etc) and her mental state is pretty fragile as you could imagine. The plan was to stay in the same property until i find sufficient work and saving to move into another property of my own, and she could have the baby full time, drop to part time hours to support them selves, and i can support by having our child 2/3 days a week, and helping with money etc. So far we have been amicable, but as i stated before, her attitude is changing and she is becoming more violent, loud, aggressive, and staying out partying, and her mental state changes from complacent to aggressive in a heartbeat. I am not fearing for my safety, or the child's, as i know i can diffuse a situation, but i am concerned my daughter is absorbing what she is seeing, and i don't like it. I would like to know my rights as i have been the baby's full time carer for so long, if i had a chance to be the sole parent, and my ex see the baby 2/3 nights a week instead. I have no idea how it would work, how the systems work, or how i should approach this, in my head i had a vision of an amicable split, but things are quickly getting out of hand. i have looked to citizens advice etc, and i feel that fathers who are full time carers for they're child/children are few and far between, so it shard to find help. please could someone enlighten me, as i need to come up with a plan of action for my daughters sake. thankyou for taking the time to read my situation, and all comments/help is welcomed! thank you so much, Arran.
Comments
Hello, your situation actually sounds more common than you might think. It's normal, for example, when couples are going through a breakdown for people to be behaving out of character. The really positive thing about your family is that you have shared the care of your daughter and your plan is to cooperate around bringing her up. Keep this as your focus. In other words, how do you negotiate a new parenting relationship that provides your daughter with the best of both you? What you should both try to avoid at all costs is a fight over your daughter. And remember that a plan that you put in place now will probably work well for about a year and then you'll have to review it to make sure it's still working for everyone, especially your daughter.
By the way, it's your daughter who has the rights, not you or her mother! If this became a legal issue (and hopefully that wouldn't be necessary) the main consideration would be the best interests of your daughter, not whether it's fair to the parents.
You're doing the right thing asking for some advice - there's lots of info on this site and help from other parents who've been through it all before.
I agree with the above comments. Wanted to add, that particularly as you have worked together in the past regarding the care of you daughter, I wonder whether it might be worth considering attending mediation together. The focus in mediation is on your daughter and trying to work out a constructive and co-operative way of looking after her in the future. You would have the opportunity to attend an appointment on your own with a mediator first, as would she, to make sure that it did seem the best way forward for you both.
I just wondered how you were getting on with sorting out the future. It sounds like you have been through some really painful times if your first daughter died at birth. In my experience the gift of a second child is wonderful but it does not take away the feeling of loss for the first. Nor is it unusual that this can be part of why a relationship breaks down. You might find the following article on mediation helps you to take the first step in that direction http://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/family-mediation I do hope you find a way forward to be the good father you obviously want to be for your little daughter.