Girlfriend doesn't want her ex to see me with the children
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28 October 2011 @ 10:18
My girlfriends ex picks up the kids every saturday from my house and she makes me go out for when he arrives. This really gets to me. She says its to keep things calm but I think its out of order. Why should I pretend that I don't exist???
Anyone else got any advice - should I accept it or tell her (and him)?
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have you spoke to her about this ? what are her reasons and what are her fears around her ex meeting you ?
I think she is being very unfair, yes it may ‘calm’ things, but her ex needs to accept you are a figure in his childrens’ lives. If he can’t deal with it, he is very immature. Tell you girlfriend that you feel strongly about being there for her children so you don’t think it is fair you are being pushed aside. You don’t have to be best mates with her ex, but a simple hello and small talk will make things a lot more relaxed.
I don’t think you should rush to talk to her ex about it because he might think you are being aggressive. She might think you are overreacting, so talk to her about how you feel - it is unfair you should be treated like you don’t exist. Being a responsible stepfather means you should have a say in how the family is run, her ex needs to know you are a stable influence in her life so he should at least acknowledge who you are.
When her Ex arrives say hello and then leave. You should increase time each week to talk to the ex about things he maybe interested in (football) in a friendly manner.
I can understand why she thinks it would be easier if you didn’t meet – maybe her ex has a bad temper or is defensive so she is worried for both you and the kids? It must be hard for her ex to know you are looking after ‘his’ children, so maybe she is just trying to avoid conflict. I don’t see how it is such a big deal for you, but talk to her about how you feel. Talk about what you both think is best for the children.