Haven't seen daughter for nearly 2 years
My partner has been denied access to his daughter for 2 years by his x wife. He has always continued to send cards, texts, messages on facebook but on occasion has recieved what can only be described as very cruel verbal abuse portrayed as written by his daughter but after taking advise, it is clear the messages were most probably written in a child like way by her mother. That coupled with the fact the messages were sent after midnight and one in school time. My partner is now wanting to take steps to get regular access with his daughter and tried to appeal to his former wive's better nature last week via a phonecall. As I predicted he then recieved an email that evening with a torrent of cruel jibes and usual refusal. He also recieved an email from his daughter saying she doesn't want to see him either. She is 11.
There last meeting 2 years ago ended on a happy note with his daughter asking if he could pick her up after school. He then recieved a phonecall from his x wife (this call came before they were divorced but separated) asking if a friend could move into one of there properties (without paying full rent or a bond) to which my partner refused. The call ended with..'right you will never see your f**kin daughter again'. True to form he recieved an email the following day saying she was cutting the contact.
We need to put a contact order in place but we do not have an address of where is daughter lives. How do we go about serving an order under these circumstances.
Comments
Thanks for all your advice and comments. We have unfortunately had to put a contact order in place. Even after putting the order in place my partner still text his X to see if she would compromise. Have heard nothing back. Big battle ahead I think sadly. Thankfully we have kept everything documented for the last 2.5 years so hope this goes some way to helping things move quickly.
thought you might like to know that happened to my partner too ! His ex thought she could just demand whatever she wanted and then if he said no she just stopped contact . He ended up having to court . I think what we did learnt is the court process can be slow and then when they got there they ended up having to do mediation anyway .the judge told her she had no rights and that was real shock to both of them .Because he hadnt seen his daughter for ages the build up of contact was really slow and everynow and again when he was losing the plot I told him to hold on on there . i It eventually sorted itself out and now he sees his daughter regularly and although there is no love lost between him and the mum , they just about make it work . So hard work and lots of patience is needed ( and off course supportive partners like us that keep them calmer !!! )
I agree with why you would want something in force so she doesn't keep messing your partner around but it's easier to get an agreement legally binding once you've established a pattern of contact. So - if it's possible and you can make the softly, softly approach work for your partner to start seeing his daughter there's nothing to stop him getting a court order later. Going straight in to take his ex to court will get her hackles up. Plus if his daughter says she doesn't want to see him and there's been no contact for 2 years, even with a court order, it's going to take quite a while to build up his relationship.
If she refuses to discuss it, then you have no choice but to go down official channels. Good luck!
She won't be threatened by a solicitor's letter. She tried to cut contact even before I met him with a solicitor letter accusing him of being a drug addict and saying he had to get tested before she would let him see his daughter. He turned the tables back on her and said he would be willing to be tested as long as she did. Low and behold, within 24hrs he was seeing her again twice a week.
I think the only way forward is a contact order and most probably involving Cafcass. One of my good friends is a qualified child physcologist and thinks his daughter has been brainwashed to dislike him by the mother. If this is the case she has described this as 'emotional abuse', something the courts and cafcass take a very deem view of. My fear if we don't go down official channels is that she will stop contact as and when she feels like it.
And yes, detective work is needed!! Thanks
It might be worth speaking to a solicitor. If a solicitors letter goes to her she'll know that he's serious about contact and isn't going to be fobbed off. Then she might be prepared to mediate to discuss how contact could slowly build up. Mediation is less confrontational than going to court and is always worth a try. If she's still proving to be difficult then you can take the court route.
Not sure about the lack of address - I suppose you could try a bit of detective work. I don't think you'd be able to do anything until you get some contact details though.
It's hard supporting your partner through this as you feel helpless to change anything. It's nice that you're doing some research for him.