just a next door neighbour ??? !!!
me and my hubby split 4 months ago after 14 years no one else was involved. we have 5 year old girl and 11month little boy. My ex moved into his new house about 4 weeks ago i never stopped him seeing kids and have allowed sleepovers twice week which has been happening for 3-4 weeks. My little girl has been telling me the neighbour does her hair in the morning before school, the neighbour got her more jucice as daddy ran out, the neighbour buys her gifts the neighbour said she will have a girly day paint her nails and the neighbour read her a bedtime story!. i am livid i have always done this for my children and their father has never been part of the family routine much at home hence a relationship breakdown. I feel my daughter and her brother should be having quality daddy time.
this neighbour is older and has a 14 year old i have been told her and my ex seen alot together where they live and she feels sorry for him and is smitten with him, he says theres nothing in it. Communication is not friendly with me and my ex and i have told him hes not having kids now. I dont know whats happening with divorce house sale etcb feels so messy i just want to protect my children, am i over reacting what do i do ?? (shes buying gifts ex makes it hard for me to get any money csa involved although he said he's goin jack his job in, my daughter comes back from her dads with bad attitude and anger towards me) would appreciate any comments :(
Comments
these comments have helped me thankyou x i have calmed down over the weekend and had an incident with my daughter in tears wanting mummy and daddy to be in one house etc. i have stayed strong told her mummy and daddy still both love her so much and that i was proud of her for telling me her feelings and that i would never be cross. i know as she gets older she will make the decisions over when she wants to see her dad. for the time being i have asked him to talk i may suggest somewhere neutral where kids can play and we can chat and have to remain calm and adult. i accept one day there may be someone in my childrens lives i think i was angry i am putting the kids first right now and assumed he would. wiered feeling in me today like i was sinking but now just paddlin away stayin afloat x
these comments have helped me thankyou x i have calmed down over the weekend and had an incident with my daughter in tears wanting mummy and daddy to be in one house etc. i have stayed strong told her mummy and daddy still both love her so much and that i was proud of her for telling me her feelings and that i would never be cross. i know as she gets older she will make the decisions over when she wants to see her dad. for the time being i have asked him to talk i may suggest somewhere neutral where kids can play and we can chat and have to remain calm and adult. i accept one day there may be someone in my childrens lives i think i was angry i am putting the kids first right now and assumed he would. wiered feeling in me today like i was sinking but now just paddlin away stayin afloat x
Hi
This is a very difficult situation for you and I can understand why you're angry with your ex and worried and frightened your little girl is going to be caused more hurt. However I don't think you should stop your ex seeing the kids as children do need and want contact with both parents so they'd end up losing out in the long run. As the break up is so new it's normal that communication with your ex is going to be hard for you. Look at the articles on this website as there are some really good ones which may help eg Tips for helping you communicating with your ex and common barriers to making it work. Explain it's a bit soon to introduce new partners and as you've just split your children really need to feel they are the centre of his attention on their visits. Also tell him that in future you need to know first if they are going to meet new partners.
Your daughter is expressing her sad feelings about the break-up through her pictures. This is natural and it will take time for her to adjust to the changes. The best thing you can do is talk to her about her feelings and let her know that it's ok and natural to feel sad and reassure her that you and daddy still love her. Eventually these feelings will pass (your sadness and anger too) - but don't force it - it just takes time. Look at the article http://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/coping-with-your-childs-reactions.
Hope you get this sorted out, let us know how you get on.
Hi again, i see why you're worried for your little girl and you're furious about your ex's behaviour. He's not going to change just cos you separated....there's lot's of things you didn't like about him when you were together and he's gonna carry on being annoying!! You need to talk to him about your little girl and these pictures but it would be best if you could do it when you weren't feeling angry and upset. You sound like a good mum. Your kids will be fine if you're ok - their dad doesn't have to be perfect. I speak from experience!!
There's stuff you two need to sort out between you as adults -
he always said i would do something like this i never would and havent. my concern is that my daughhter is not only dealing with a very fresh seperation and new houses but she drew a line down a page put mummy and daddys name on with sad faces under then the next door neighbours name with a sad face !!! why should my litytle girl be worrying about someone else at this time! my ex would choose beer over being with me and the kids and my daughter said daddy drinks beer when her brother goes to bed. as dads go yes he could buy her things like he's doing already so is she but quality enjoyable time ???? homework together and reading ??? games before bed ??? nope ! it angers me as i know what he's like and this seperation hasnt made him value the kids anymore :(
i can understand that but he has never been the best father he would choose drink over being in a room with me and the kids and my little girl said the other night daddy drinks beer when her brother goes to bed. i worry that he is happy to let anyone get involved so soon. My daughter also drew a line down a page wrote mummy and daddy and drew sad faces under them then on the other side this womans name with a sad face under. what hurts is that my daughter is still struggling to come to terms with mummy and daddy being seperated and getting used to sleepovers and this woman is already in her life and my daughter is considering her feelings ! i know i sound selfish but my ex always said i would do this to him and i said i never would, and i havent.
Can understand why you stopped him having the kids but he is their dad and if they have a good time with him what's the harm? if this neighbour is his girlfriend and she's looking after yr kids tho he should have decency to tell you.