My daughter doesn't want to see her father anymore
My daughter is nearly 13 and hasn't seen her dad for 3 years now, following an incident where he was very drunk in her care. She made the decision not to see him again and I completely agreed that he wasn't being a fit parent. 3 years on, he is desperate to see her, and although he has taken the step towards admitting he has a drink problem, he still has no memory of the things he has said and done to her and to myself during our marriage. I don't know how to make him take responsibility of actions that he doesn't remember because to him they didn't happen.
He is still drinking and thinks my daughter should accept who he is. She is very angry and says that she doesn't like him and that her life is much simpler without him in it. I can't seem to find any legal advice anywhere but I am guessing that 'if' he decided to take her through the courts, she is now old enough that the judge would listen to her wants and needs. I feel stuck in the middle, although I do completely understand my daughters feelings, I still feel sorry for him. He wants to know whether he can see her. And I am going to have to be the one that tells him. I am wondering whether my daughter should write him a letter and let him know why she is so angry and maybe remind him of a few things? I guess my other question is, can I say to him, Alice has made her decision that she no longer wants to see you. And then maybe he can start to rebuild his life and so can we.
Comments
Isn't it beautiful the way mother and daughter can almost speak for each other in this, so perfectly the same voice?
Thank you. It really does help when people reply to these forums! I kinda knew what I have to do but its good to hear it from other people. So many thanks!
Poor you ..........stuck in the middle of both of them. I guess however bad your ex has been there is another side to him which was the reason you married him in the first place and why you're now feeling sorry for him.... seems like your daughter has made her mind up anyway and at her age you can't really force her to see him and I don't think a judge would either.
I agree it's a good idea that Alice should write to him and explain how she is feeling and why she doesn't want to see him - that way Alice would be saying 'no' rather than you. It might just give your ex the kick start to give up the booze and maybe once he has cleaned up his act Alice might change her mind. Whatever happens don't let your ex guilt trip you about this - remember it's his behaviour that has caused this problem.
I don't blame your daughter at all. What exactly would she get out of meeting her father after all this time? Especially if he still has a drink problem. On the other hand, at some point in the future she might want to meet him, if only to give him a piece of her mind so I wouldn't rule it out completely. Ask Alice if she'd mind her dad writing to her and if she doesn't he can keep in contact that way.