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Not receiving agreed child access

User-anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous
Flag
Fri 17, Mar 2017 at 4:15pm
Categories:
After Separation
Tags:
access

I went through a divorce a year ago and we have 8 and 11 yr old sons. It was agreed the boys would live with their mum but we had trouble agreeing access agreement. Me ex refused to discuss or compromise on anything and also refused mediation so I had no choice but to file for a court order. In court with the help of the judge, we came up with an access agreement which was formalised in the court order. This included me having the boys 20 days holiday, splitting the bank holidays and being able to see the children leading up to Christmas although she would have them Christmas eve and Christmas day.

My ex followed this last year but took it somehow as a lost and is still angry that I took her to court so she has made it impossible for me to gain the agreed access refusing most dates I put forward. I have ended being able to book 16 of the 20 days, 2 of the 4 bank holidays and 1 day prior to Christmas. My access includes having the boys every other weekend and Christmas falls on my weekend so I will see them only on my usual Saturday and she will have them on Sunday and I do not get another day in exchange.

She has once again refuse to discuss this with me or see a mediator so I have had my solicitor prepare another court order. Through the process of the past year, I have undergone so much stress that I have a persistent tightness in my neck that is now causing a pinched nerve in my arm. My consultant cannot do anything to help me and I am in regular agony. I have tried medication, physio, acupuncture, yoga, the lot and nothing helps. My consultant knows about the divorce and thinks this is the cause of my medical problem and urges me to drop the court case.

It saddens me to do this but I am taking his advice. I decided my health is more important than 8 extra days with my sons over the year. I will make the one day I get with them before Christmas magical. This is the best I can do. Am I doing the right thing??

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Comments

  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thanks for setting out your story so honestly and so clearly.
    It doesn't surprise me that this conflict and stress has had an impact on your health. I guess I'm wondering what this has been like for your children as well?
    I can understand that for your 'giving up' these 4 days would emotionally costly for you. You're wondering if it's the 'right thing'. In what way are you afraid it would be 'wrong'? I'm guessing that your children's feeling is probably quite different from that - probably one of relief that their Mum and Dad have stopped fighting!
    So, yes, congratulations on reaching this conclusion.
    The following article might help you to feel more confident about your decision:
    http://theparentconnection.org.uk/blog/why-you-need-to-stop-arguing

    Sun 19, Mar 2017 at 3:04pm

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