Please help
As a man i know i have basically no legal rights when it comes to children but can anyone please give me some advice i dont know what to do or who to turn to....
My girlfriend ran away with another guy while 6 months pregnant with my child, things seemed to be going great, we went baby shopping together and i bought alot of baby items and gave her money ect, then at christmas she just dissapeared, i found out a week later (on my birthday) she had ran away with another man.
when i found out i was obviously upset and called her a few choice names and also sent abusive messages to her new weird boyfriend, she then broke her silence and told me i was never going to be the babys father and that her new boy friend will become the new dad and that im not going on her birth cirtificate and that my baby will never know about me.
She also claimed that she felt harrassed by all the messages i sent her and her new fella when i was upset (which i now regret) and that if i contacted her again the police would arrest me. A few months before she got pregnant she attempted sucice by drug overdose twice, she now claims she did this because of me which is a lie because she already suffered from severe depression before i met her and was on medication for it, this is just a claim designed to keep me away from her and her new guy.
She now refuses to talk to me i sent a text appologising for the things i said but received no reply. I found out from a friend that apprently her new man is going to replace me as the father and the CSA will be in touch when the babys born. shes due at the end of march.
I cant understand why this has happened to me and Im left with nothing but heartbreak, i feel like ive lost everything and been replaced and i cant do anything about it, i no longer care what the mother does and who she is with but i really wanted to be part of my daughters life, its just all been torn away from me and ive done nothing wrong, i just dont know what to do. please help :(
Comments
This is a hard question to answer in your case since all positive communication with your ex seems to be gone. Mediation is usually the best route for deciding contact with children between separated parents. It may be that if you have the patience to wait , this will be possible at some time in the future, though I recognise your fear of losing touch if they go abroad. Look at the articles on mediation on this site...you will probably find them helpful. You can of course go through the courts and there are firms specialising in family law. This tends to be an expensive and less satisfactory way to sort things out particularly when you keep the focus on the welfare of the child
Do i need a solictor to apply for parental responsibility and if not how do i do it?
Yes and thank you the link works fine now, and although i agree with you that the child should come first and be the priority.... but you cant tell me that men have equal rights to women because its just not true. The baby is due at the end of march.
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/fathers-legal-rights-and-responsibilities. hope you can access it this time . If not go to articles and click fathers and you will find it . this might give you some answers . what might be worth noting is that neither Mums or dads have the rights ... it is the children and the law does what is in the best interests of the child . I get the impression that the baby is not born yet ?
the link doesnt seem to be working
Thanks for the advice its very welcome. At first she told me that she was going to get the CSA involved which to be honest i hope she does, i really dont mind paying child support plus like you said it means shes reconises me as the father, but now im worried shes not going to do that because shes determined this new guy in her life is going to be the new dad and that they will both tell my daughter this new guy is the biological father. So she might not bother with the CSA because it will mean im involved.
Ive also heard rumours the two of them might move abroad with the baby once shes born...this scares the hell out of me.
Ive tried contacting her to make things right but to no avail. im at my wits end and i really dont know what to do, i dont know wether to persue this through the courts if its a waste of time and money or how i even go about it. The whole thing just feels so wrong. So much for equal rights. Not exactly equal when men are treated with no rights or concideration when it comes to their own children.
This is clearly so difficult for you. Firstly I am not sure whether she is contacting the CSA so that you or the new boyfriend pays child support ?. If it is you, then it sounds as if she is acknowledging you are the babys father . Establishing a child’s biological origin is recognised by psychologists (and judges) as highly important for a child’s sense of identity. i wonder if she has said some of these things in anger . Is it worth trying to contact her again explaining that you want your baby to grow up knowing its Mum and biological Dad . If all attempts at trying to talk to her fails , you may have to consider obtaining legal advice on how to get parental responsibilty .http://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/fathers-legal-rights-and-responsibilities. this page may be useful . good luck