Seperating with a 6 month old baby :(
I just wondered if anybody could help me....
I am just going through a seperation with my Daughters Father and I have offered him an afternoon (Which ever suited him Tues or Weds) and 9am-6pm on a Saturday.
She is 6 months and 2 weeks old and as we will be moving into a new house and I will be returning to work to do 16 hours and she will be going to nursery 2 days a week I feel its a big change for all of us.
She hsa spent every day and night with me since the moment she has been born. I have never let her stay out, however, I have been to 2 weddings and out 2 other times for Birthdays etc with my partner. I dont feel it right for her to not be with me at such a young age.
My partner, well ex partner now disagrees and says he wants her overnight 2 nights a week and one afternoon????
We had huge rows over the fact that he goes ruuning 3 times a week, goes to the gym and has a Season Ticket and works for himself as a Plumber so I said I felt he could does less of that to improve our family time together?
He has said he wont renew his season ticket and is giving the gym up to concentrate on his running as hes entering competitions etc..
As you can probably guess im totally confused and wondered if anyone could give me their thoughts on the above.... It would be greatly appreciated..
Comments
No probs. Glad that the situation got sorted. It isn't something different for the mother in my opinion. That is almost universally missed. Really chuffed that you have made some progress! Chin up!
I hope I don't sound condescending but I think your approach is right. Establish a routine and make sure everyone keeps to it......
Solicitors... Sometimes a necessary "Evil".... But beware...
A remember an anecdote from years ago. Goes something like a solicitor who is the only one in town will never make money. In a town with 2 solicitors they will both be rich.
I wish you all the best, take care Stan
Thank you for your comments they are appreciated.
I have seen a solicitor and my plans are to include her Father in her life 100%. I am from a broken home and through this hard time I am at my Dads house.
I have put forward that I would like me and my Daughter to move into our house and her father take her out like I said previously until she is settled and knows this Is home.... I go back to work in 2 months and she will be in nursery 2 days a week so then let her Dad pick her up from nursery one of those nights and have her overnight. Ie she is in nursery on a Friday so pick her up at 4pm on Friday and return her to me at 6pm on a Saturday.he will also have her for tea one night a week.
I am always going to want him involved in her life school plays, sports day etc but I do believe routine is the key to a child feeling secure and providing them with stability. I think by letting her settle in our new home first is key and continuing to see her Dad as she used too is right for now. I have always got up she sleeps from 7.30 till 6ish an he rarely gets up until 8.30/9.....
I don't need to bring all that up though my focus is our Daughter.
I sympathise with your situation. I (as a father) have been through it. Children of that age are enormously resilient. They also enjoy & appreciate the fact that there is a mother & father who love and care for them.
When there is a rift, it will affect the child. In my own experience, it rebounded upon the person who made things difficult.
My "child" is now in her 20's and she discusses her (quite serious) problems with me. She has not had any contact with her mother for some time. I am not glad about this, I think that it is a very unhealthy state for their relationship to be in.
Your daughter would benefit from consistent and frequent contact with both parents.
I work with young people who have problems related to their parents not being together. The ones who thrive are those where both Mum & Dad put aside their own dispute and work together for the long-term benefit of the child....
Hi, I'm going through something similar with my ex.We split 2 months ago when my daughter was 5 months old and we have had some massive rows about me having her overnight. She says she couldn't bear to be separated from her but when I ask her what she thinks it feels like for me she says it's different for the mother. I don't agree. When we were together i loved bathing my daughter and putting her to bed and i feel i'm really missing out. To me being a dad means being able to do all the things a mother can do. Taking her out for the afternoon isn't the same as waking up in the morning with her and giving her breakfast. How will I know how to settle her at night if i never get the chance? .Anyway, pleased to say we've had a breakthru and I've now had her 2 times overnight in the past month. They went brilliantly, did everything, daughter happy, dad v proud. My ex is coming round to it - I know she worries and i know from personal experience what its like to miss our daughter.
Sorry to go on but I thought it would help to see things from the dads point of view.