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Quick Questions

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  • flag

    My ex has contact every 2 wks from 10.30 -19.30, without warning he has told me that he wants to keep my youngest overnight, can I say no?

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    • flag

      I guess you can but you might want to think about the reasons that you would prefer for your child not to stay overnight. you might want to put this on the forum with perhaps more information about your situation to get some advice from others .

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  • flag

    Am I right to insist on my 8yr old fastening her jacket during bad weather?

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    • flag

      I notice you posted on the forum and expect you will get more responses there, where users can get a fuller picture of the situation.

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  • flag

    My ex refuses to communicate. He communicates only with dd who is 8. He is inflexible about change of dates. Advice please

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    • flag

      That is definitely a problem for you and your 8 year old. Has it always been hard to communicate since you separated? Maybe suggesting mediation which supports you both to exchange your views would feel better for him....and you?
      Can I suggest you put this tricky situation onto the Forum as you will get more responses than here on Quick Questions.

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  • flag

    how to stop fixating on my ex wife?

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    • flag

      it might be helpful if you could expand on this and post on the forum so you can receive more support

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      Comments

      • Dandelion_pic elli Flag

        Not surprised you're knocked for six by this and will need time to come to terms with it. But you're being honest with yourself and allowing your son to have his own feelings about it (different from yours) which is really important in his adjustment. What kind of support can you get locally - friends etc? Do you know the website http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists which can help you find a counsellor? There's also a Listening Room on this site where you can chat to someone at certain times of the day.

        It's true you might get more support if you repeat this post on the forum.

        Good luck

        Wed 24, Sep 2014 at 10:19am
      • User-anonymous Bryan1963 Flag

        pretty fresh and pretty painful for a forum setting.my wife (of 12 years we've been together 20)basically walked out on me and our 9 year old son for a new life with a new man. They live 3 blocks from my house.although I knew something was coming I did not see this playing out like this and she said Neither did she. .it has been a crash course in adjustment. and my 9 year old is coping better than I am

        Mon 15, Sep 2014 at 9:12pm
  • flag

    My ex has just started allowing mid-week overnight stays.. when does this become a routine?

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    • flag

      Not sure if I have understood your question. How about putting it up on the Forum with a bit more info about how this came about? Look forward to hearing from you?

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  • flag

    My 8 year old wants to stay with me 3 or 4 nights aweek her farther says no.

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    • flag

      That must be quite painful. Why not post on the forum with more detail..you will then get responses from others.

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  • flag

    after been separated for three years my son refuses to see his dad

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    • flag

      How old is your son ? My son does not see his dad and hasn't for a few years (he is now 13), my daughter (8) sees dad although is increasingly saying that she doesn't want to go. I insist that she goes because I think she should have a relationship with her dad and there is a court order in place. However, if there wasn't a court order and she was saying she didn't want to go, I would invite her dad to sit with me and talk with her so that the parents can do what is best for the child. Sometimes children want to see that there parents are ok with each other. Unfortunately me ex refuses to communicate with me in any way so this is not able to happen in our household.

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    • flag

      That must be worrying for you. Would you like to say more about your situation by posting on the Forum? You will get support from lots more people there.

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      Comments

      • User-anonymous Sinead Flag

        That's really tough...particularly if your daughter is now getting upset too. However, you and your ex seem to be doing your best to accommodate him. I wonder if it's anything to do with coming into puberty and all the body changes etc that brings with it. Who does he gravitate towards most when he is feeling vulnerable? I remember my son had issues to do with not growing as fast as his peers at that age. Your children sound well loved by both of you and as you know that's what matters.

        Fri 30, May 2014 at 4:21pm
      • User-anonymous stella5 Flag

        My son is 10 and daughter 8, contact has always been consistent since the separation every other weekend and extra in school holidays. I have a mainly civil relationship with my ex but it has been difficult at times. We both have new long term partners who the children seem to like. My son has gone through different stages of not wanting to go but I have always insisted on it until recently when he was getting very upset about going and begging me to stay at home. I agreed he cpuld chose when he wanted to go. He now refuses to go on most occasions and his dad has been trying to make changes. I have spoke to his school teacher and she has tried to talk to him but he wont give any valid reason for not going just saying he his unhappy. I have tried encouragement and not doing anything fun when he should be at his dad but nothing is working. It is upsetting my daughter and I now dont know what to do for the best for my children
        Any advice would be very welcome thanks

        Thu 15, May 2014 at 9:41pm

Most Answers

  • flag

    can my boyfriends ex stop him and his son spending time with me and my son?

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    • flag

      It sounds like a very straightforward question...however, as you probably realise it is not easy to answer. Ideally you would work together with his ex to do the best for both children ...but what you consider to be the best is obviously different from her opinion. It could be that the best option for all of you is that your boyfriend and his ex attend mediation sessions to work out how they are going to co parent their son...and contact arrangements etc. it can be hard to negotiate with ex's when feelings run high, mediation helps by having a trained facilitator manage the situation.Why not post on the forum with more information so that others in your situation can respond with their experience.

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  • flag

    My ex left after exchanging words, after that she doesn't want any contact with us, does the 've the right later to clam the child?

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    • flag

      People say lots of things they don't mean when they're angry and upset - it's quite a big thing for a mum to walk away from her children although sadly, it does sometimes happen.

      Your child has the right to have contact with both parents so if your ex did want to start seeing your child you'd be expected, as parents, to sort something out. How is your child coping? It must be v worrying for him/her.

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      Comments

      • Pc Bern Flag

        I'm glad your daughter is coping well; you must be doing a good job. Without knowing all the facts, it seems to me that if you've given up your job to care for your daughter and you've become her main carer all this time, then you would have a strong case for her to carry on living with you.

        Sun 19, Feb 2012 at 5:29pm
      • User-anonymous james79 Flag

        she is coping very well as we lived as a family since she was born, have got no problem for her to see her or even to sit down with adults and sort things out, find the course of the problem and talk about it, tried to keep in touch and but fails as she never answer my calls or reply my messages, child hasn't been well since took her to the hospital tried to call her no lucky tried to text her was no reply, i stopped working now and l am prepare to be a single parent and ask for help as have got no income at the moment, my worries is l may do all the arrangements to look after my daughter alone and later she might come and clam to live with child as i have lost the job already, have l got the right to refuse? but I wont stop her to contact and see the child any time she wants.

        Sun 19, Feb 2012 at 12:48pm
  • flag

    my x husband left my two kids aged 7 and 5 in the house alone.i also believe he is driving home late on a saturday night over the limit..

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    • flag

      Sounds like you're worried about your kids when they're with their dad. Have you had a conversation with him about this yet?
      Mich33 - if you use the forum you can say more about your situation and get more responses.

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      Comments

      • User-anonymous mich33 Flag

        yes and he just says i am mad.i heard him admit it to my 5 year old when i was in the kitchen.also believe he was driving home from his parents with kids in car after having two glasses of wine

        Wed 22, Feb 2012 at 6:40pm
  • flag

    How do I stop my ex sending me lots of mentally abusive text messages and copying my son, aged 13 and daughter, aged 10?

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    • flag

      It is not good for children to be exposed to adult conflict . Politely ask him to stop immediatiely and explain it is not healthy for the children to be stuck in the middle . If his problem is with you then he needs to talk to you ... not them ! Put your question on the forum so the wider comuncity can help and we can refer you to some useful articles

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  • flag

    my brother split from his ex 1 year ago they have a 2 year old. Ex wants to move miles and miles away what are my brothers rights?

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  • flag

    I split with my partner a month after our baby was born. She is now threatening to move to another country. Do i have any rights?

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    • flag

      What I know is that a lot depends on whether or not you have 'Parental Responsibility' - you will have it if you are/were married to your ex or your name is on your child's birth certificate and she/he was born after 3 December 2003. In which case, your child cannot be taken to live abroad without your consent or an order from the court.
      So, that's the short answer.
      If you want to look into it further, the terms to look up are 'Parental Responsibility' and 'Removal From the Jurisdiction' - check out the web site for the organisation, 'Liberty'

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      Comments

      • Dandelion_pic elli Flag

        If you’re very concerned this might happen without any discussion you can apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order – this is an order that your child can’t be taken “out of the jurisdiction” without your permission. You applying doesn’t necessarily mean the court will decide to make this order, they’ll need to weigh up what’s in the best interests of the child. If possible perhaps try to discuss it with your ex first – what would the move mean, how would your ex ensure you continued a relationship with your baby. Try to get information in a constructive way to help you decide what to do.

        Wed 14, Mar 2012 at 8:30am
  • flag

    i split with my sons father 6 months ago, he cheated on me, hes threatening to take me to court over our son, hes a canabis addict

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    • flag

      Hi Charlie,
      Do you want your son to be able to see his Dad at all? You may be able to avoid being taken to court if you can reach an agreement with your ex about when and how this, 'contact', can happen. (You don't have to agree to any arrangement that you don't think is safe for your son.) You may want to consider asking your ex to take part in mediation. There is more information about mediation on this site - try this link, for instance: http://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/options-for-resolving-disagreements-about-the-children
      If you do go to court, it's unlikely the judge will agree that there shouldn't be any contact at all but will want to ensure that it takes place in the right setting.
      Hope this is helpful,

      jaybee

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