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Adjusting to life after separation

Tags: separated, parenting apart, ex-partner, new relationship, introducing a new partner
Content Types: Moving Forward
Categories: After Separation

After years of being in a relationship, being separated and parenting apart takes time to adjust to and you will need to be kind to yourself as well as to your child/children.

Despite feeling or knowing that ending the relationship was for the best there will be confusing times ahead; and you may find yourself grieving for the end of a relationship with someone you once loved.

Most people will find that adjusting to life without a partner and parenting apart will feel sad, scary, exciting, and overwhelming all at the same time.

This new form of family life will have its ups and downs. Some days you will laugh, some days you will cry, and hopefully you and your children will try all sorts of new things, some daunting but some very exciting. And of course’ in time’ as you get used to your new identity as a single person again you will discover new romance. But it’s natural to feel out of your comfort zone trying new things and dealing with different issues – and some of us manage this better than others. However the main aim of is to help you through the difficult early days of being newly separated and to get both you and your child/children through them pretty much intact and positive about the future.

Of course there will be days when you want to shake off all reminders of ever being in a any failed relationship

But whilst your ex- partner is your ex- partner, children do not have ex-parents. Whatever your ex - partner may have done, whatever you think of them, or how ever great it is to be single your ex- partner is still their parent.

And this person is very important to your child/children (whatever they may tell you or you may think). Try to remember this so that you can develop some sort of way of managing this issue until your child/children are old enough to manage the relationship themselves.

It may not be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. When your well-adjusted child/children become happy, balanced adults you will know that you did the right thing.

Of course it may be tempting to rush in to a new relationship and the familiarity of being in a couple but tread carefully and gently to give any romance the chance it deserves. Your child/children (however old) would probably prefer that you just focussed on them but at some point you know that you will need to move on and introduce new people into yours and your child/children's lives.

It is a tricky balancing act between looking after children, you, and getting used to any idea of dating again or a new partner. Remember: be patient, consistent, supportive, and don’t forget that love is not a competition for the number one slot in your life. Your child/children are your child/children, and your lover is your lover very easy to say, but it may not seem that easy to either of these people so take it slow.

  This was of help to 66% of people