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22 years old male Depressed, worry, anxiety, can't focus on anything. No confidents no idea no memories I am insane with out knowing

User-anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous
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Sat 14, Apr 2018 at 12:58pm
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22 years old male Depressed,worry,anxiety,can't focus on anything,No confidents,no idea,no memories,I am insane with out knowing

I faked it and live in an illusion for years.
Dear the parent connection
My mind is everywhere all the time and I want a better life.
My job feels very negative as well. I want to move cities as I have seen too much.

Depression is the past, Anxiety is the future

I feel a lot happier when I attend university for actives and can focus more I probably should go back but bored of England now.

I go on dates have loads of mates but I can read people well and see they are all messed up which frightens me and I keep turning down girls because I am a totally mess when the girls are a totally mess too.

All this has come from me working away in London which has sent me very delusional and loss of Identity but I get depressed when coming back to Leeds and usually my mind is thinking for 2 hours before I get out of bed.

I tell my mum and dad everything but my mum is mentally broken my dad is very negative they both live together in separate rooms and tell me all there problems. Which I have trust issues and control issues.

My mum and dad never loved each other and forced me to do a lot of thinks which I did not like I have a lot of regret. I don't think London is helping me going down there and feeling isolated as I share a house now in Leeds.

I started to drink to forget all this but totally stop and want to focus on my life even if I offend people with my honesty, working away next week in London love the city totally different person when attending events but feel isolated when back in hotel room all my friends are older then me none my age, being a perfectionist does not help, trying to get a better life but it is hard and I can't be gratefully as my mind is cloudy when coming back to Leeds after seeing past traumas, never been in a proper relationships always, I went back last semester study English and maths at night school and I have learnt a lot but I knew I should have gone late in life when my life was settled, I want my teeth whitening, totally different person on holiday, I have not had a childhood of fun since growing up, I had to grow up pretty quick as a kid, play video games to escape, went to work to escape from everything very sexual frustrated never been on medication feeling I am going to have to quit my job go on agency complete my exams then leave the city my friends say travel and never comeback as I have 50k in a bank but would it not be wise to be educated and go to university, I want to go to theme parks, bungie jump, mountain climb explore with people, go to gigs festivals, create a life full of memories and not possessions

The problem is I have learnt a lot from everyone else perspectives that I am lost in this world like don’t go to uni because you will waist 4 years of your life, leave and go travel and many other older perspectives my head is cloudy I want a life worth living for and I regret that I have not yet I usually hide all my emotions while back in Leeds due to my parents and traumatic events but when I am in London I am very clear and open but job is too stressful as they are all speaking in different languages I can not understand in London.

I am also obsessed over someone my age actually who is older then me who can cook, travel, aikido, get girls, scientist, mainly he has got this buzzing personality which I can not have because of the cause of the trauma.

Been to therapy, Physoclocolgist but that has not helped I could read and understand they had problems as well.
Never been to parties 
going to get my studies brings me back to when I was 13-14 psychologically and makes me feel a lot better for studying 
as well I know I could have wrote that in a better English grammar but I do not have the time.

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