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Advice please

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 10, Jul 2017 at 6:42pm
After Separation

My ex and I parted in October last year. He's now in another new relationship and introduced our 13 year old daughter to his new partner and daughter (of similar age)after 8 weeks of meeting her. My daughter has now started to get on well with his partner's daughter and has told me she has shared her secrets with her. My ex has just informed me that he is getting to know some of these secrets because his partner's daughter is telling her mum who is then telling my ex. Should I tell my daughter what's happening which may lead to an argument with his partner's daughter or she will she just think that its sour grapes on my behalf? I am concerned that my daughter has put her trust in this new friend (possible step sister) but is being betrayed. I would welcome some advice.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post.
    It sounds like potentially good news that these two young people have formed a bond with each other. They perhaps have both been through similar experiences and can offer each other a lot of understanding and support. How nice that your daughter has been able to share with you that they are talking to each other in this way. I think you're right to be concerned about the impact would be on her if you were to share your concerns about it being discussed elsewhere. She may well feel that she's being drawn into the tension between the grown ups in her life. I'd like to suggest another approach:
    I guess what's happening is putting all of you adults in a difficult position over the question of confidentiality. What was this young person expecting when she talked to her Mum so far as that is concerned?
    How do you feel about suggesting that all 3 of you (your ex, his partner and yourself) discuss this with each other and set some 'ground rules' about what you'll do with things the girls tell you?
    I'd be very interested to know what you think.

    Thu 13, Jul 2017 at 9:01am