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Breach of court order / paternal grandparent's rights

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 19, Apr 2017 at 4:55pm
After Separation

I've tried to see if there's a similar case to this but haven't seen one so grateful for any professional advice.

I'm the non resident parent
We have a contact order in place as follows
1 x weekly phone call - weds evening
Supported contact via contact centre every 2nd weekend
Mediation / SPIP etc

I've been offered only 2 Saturday slots in a 13 eeek period before next hearing. I've flagged this to the courts about 2 weeks ago but no reply as yet.

Is it worth me raising a C79 breaching order? There's cost and I'm told it willl take 2-3 weeks

My mother and sister have been told not to make any contact with my daughters via text, my ex wife sending abusive responses.
She's had no contact for 4 months, can she apply for this separately to me as this is causing her great distress?

Many thanks

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post.
    The first thing I want to say is that it sounds as if this is a fairly new situation for everyone, that feelings have been running rather high and, clearly, the court is still involved. All that means that things are still likely to change over time, hopefully calm down and become more settled. So rushing to apply for enforcement may not be the most productive thing to do right now. Having said that, it would help to be clearer about why the contact centre sessions have been so few and far between. Is that to do with availability of spaces at the contact centre, or something else?
    Similarly, it may not be a good idea to raise the temperature by pressing for your mother to see your children for the time being, painful though this may be for her. She can apply to the court but there would be an extra step for her in this process - she would need the 'leave' of the court to make an application.
    You may think this sounds like I'm advocating 'backing down' but at all times I would want to urge parents to be mindful on the impact of this process on their children. I would therefore advise against increasing the level of conflict between themselves and their ex as far as they possibly can. With the best will in the world, children cannot be completely shielded from this and at the very least, they can be seriously affected simply by their parents' level of unhappiness.
    Try and remain optimistic that things will improve, that in due course, your children will be able to spend time with you more freely and that in the course of that, they will be able to spend time with your mother as well.
    I'm glad to hear that you're doing a SPIP. Has it happened yet? Was it helpful?

    Fri 21, Apr 2017 at 1:43pm
  • User-anonymous Contactzaradarcey Flag


    Thank you for coming back to me with a detailed response. I tried to keep mine succinct as I've seen a lot of posts which seem highly charged with emotion.

    You are right, we are in between 1st and 2nd stages of the court order. I contacted the CAFCAS case worker yesterday and notwithstanding the fact we haven't met yet, she was erring towards a similar view that while it seems frustrating etc, pushing ahead with a Breach Order would potentially worsen relations. My ex is also highly capable of using this as an alienation tool against my daughters since she's going abroad to get married at the end of May and I suspect will say that "Daddy is trying to make things more difficult / putting em under more pressure'. Virtually all the reasons for not being able to attend the contact centre sessions are geared towards her wedding plans / her partner's birthday day out / being abroad and not allowing the guardian ( her closest friend) bring the children to the contact centre.
    I have learnt a great deal about this in the last 3 months and in the main, I would say i'm usually a good moderator in heated situations, so It's very good to get this kind of advice.

    The hardest part is that my eldest daughter has been 'allowed' to see documents relating to CMS calculations etc. and thinks that I've lied to them about my affordability. She's now opted out of the weekly call which is set for each wednesday evening,

    Not much I can do but just offer support and not push them. If you have anything else, I'd be very grateful

    Thanks again

    Fri 21, Apr 2017 at 4:48pm
  • User-anonymous Contactzaradarcey Flag

    Sorry, forgot to answer your question

    ......I'm glad to hear that you're doing a SPIP. Has it happened yet? Was it helpful?

    the pro's
    Yes it was, on reflection it gave me some good context / shared experiences and support

    the con's
    I found the coordinators lacked empathy / diplomacy and were clumsy with some comments - e.g. 'Cafcass...? they're like marmite'

    I would recommend people go on it.

    Fri 21, Apr 2017 at 6:33pm
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    It sounds like you're taking a very wise approach to this situation; putting your children at the centre of your thoughts and decisions.
    It's sad news about the phone calls but these can be very awkward for children if they know that the other parent is nearby and uncomfortable about it. Maybe there's a way of letting your daughter know that you're ok with this and you understand why she might want to avoid them?
    When you get back into court will be the time for the progress of contact to be reviewed and the court will be concerned to hear that things have not gone to plan.
    Thank you for your feed back about the SPIP.

    Sat 22, Apr 2017 at 5:33pm
  • User-anonymous Sussex Mod Flag

    Hello jaybee

    Sorry for the delayed reply. Yes that's good advice thank you I will think about how to communicate this. The youngest one is more alienated due to being younger.
    I'm about to start a blog for dads ( resasonable ones) who are in the same boat. I think I'm going to focus on dads with OCD as this has been the main reason held up for me being unfit to parent. I'm keen to get some professional input as I go. Can I let you know more?


    Mon 24, Apr 2017 at 5:47pm
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, thanks for the further info and feed back. The blog sounds like a good idea. Good luck with that and by all means, keep an eye on the content of this web site and the Forum in particular. We're not really set up for ongoing dialogue between moderator and user so forgive me if you don't get a response from me every time. However, other users who recognise or relate to your situation may well feel like chipping in.
    All the best

    Tue 25, Apr 2017 at 2:20pm
  • User-anonymous Contactzaradarcey Flag

    Hello Jaybee

    I'm just updating on my situation. Things have carried on with effectively no contact at all currently, which was exacerbated by not receiving a call or even txt message last week on my birthday. I am going to see my GP shortly due to feeling increased levels of anxiety and mood swings, which is affecting my OCD condition.

    I have a hefty week coming up, i'm due at the CC this saturday, which is subject to my daughters wishing to attend. Then I have mediation and Cafcass next week. I've been abused for not paying maintenance albeit my payments over 8 years will have exceeded the net income %.

    Anyway, I'm going to try and approach things in logical order.


    Mon 8, May 2017 at 11:07am
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Ok, I hope things work out for you. It sounds like you're doing the right thing - getting some help and taking one step at a time.

    Tue 9, May 2017 at 8:09am