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Brocken child arrangement order - safe guarding issues

Posted by: Anonymous
Fri 14, Jul 2017 at 8:35pm
After Separation

Hi. Never married/never lived together (I have sole residence) I was victim of domestic abuse and domestic violence. He has drug and alcohol issues.

We obtained our final child arrangement order in January this year. My ex father to our 3yr old has broken the court order. He is not aloud to be alone with our son. The order states that he must remain in the contact centre if one of the three named people cannot supervise him. However at our last contact he took our son out of the centre ALONE for 2hrs.
He is due to have contact tomorrow and I don't know what to do!
The contact centre have since apologised agreeing that this breached the order and have agreed to not allow it to happen again but I am not happy and dont trust them now. He has only ever seen our son in contact centres after his violence was subjected on our the 5week old baby.
Until February he had only ever had contact the?my supervised in a contact centre and since the changes my son is having night terrors and very active dreams.
Please help I cannot afford to go back to the solicitor

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    It's very understandable that you should now feel anxious about your son's well being and your ability to trust those in charge of his care when he has visits with his dad.
    However, perhaps the contact centre, having apologised for their part in what happened last time, will be extra vigilant on the next visit.
    Of course, that won't deal with all of your concerns. I'm guessing that you're also aware of how things are for your son and how he feels generally about seeing his dad. I hope it's been going well for him and that he gets a lot from his dad's attention and company. But this seems to have caused a set back to his trust in his dad. Do you have any reason to be concerned about his safety during the two hours that they were out of the contact centre, about where they went or what they were doing, for instance?
    Is your ex aware of how you are feeling about future visits? Do you have a way of letting him know your concerns? I wouldn't be surprised if it has crossed his mind that what he did will have made you want to reconsider your agreement to the visits taking place.
    It would be a shame if they stopped altogether and your son lost his connection with his dad but you won't know until they see each other again how much harm this has done to their relationship.
    How do you feel about letting the visit go ahead but maybe ask for it to finish early, depending on your son's response?
    This might send a message to your ex that you expect him to stick to the arrangements whilst not leaving yourself open to blame for obstructing your son's relationship with him.
    Let me know what you think.

    Sat 15, Jul 2017 at 7:14am
  • User-anonymous 1Desperate_mum Flag

    I went ahead with contact making it very clear that I would stop it all together if this was to happen again as advised by Cafcass.
    I made sure he had the correct supervision with him however my son refused to leave the centre and got quite upset saying no me stay hear!
    So contact remained in the centre for the 2hrs. I am worried that maybe something did happen when they were alone ( he has anger issues and shook him when he was 5weeks old which is why I stopped contact and we ended up in court). My son never talks about his dad which is worrying in itself and refuses to go sometimes so I have to convince him he will have fun with daddy as much as this kills me. He comes out with statement like he hit me in face and he mean he shout all time. I write my concerns in our contact book but they always get ignored and have no response. He never even asks questions about his son. Am I expecting too much?

    Wed 26, Jul 2017 at 10:49am
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your update. Did staying in the contact centre instead of going out work out better for your son?
    It does sound as though visits with his dad are stressful for him.
    From what you know of your ex, how were you hoping/expecting him to be as a dad? Might it be that he is struggling to deal with your son's needs and this is coming out in the form of aggression towards him?
    This of course is harmful to him and does nothing to help build a warm, trusting relationship with his dad, which is what he needs. He must be protected so this may mean that contact has to remain in a contact centre if this is the only way in which your son can feel safe enough to enjoy his time with his father.

    Thu 27, Jul 2017 at 10:40am
  • User-anonymous 1Desperate_mum Flag

    That's exactly how I see things but unfortunately the court says otherwise so I am bound by the order. It's so unfair

    Tue 1, Aug 2017 at 1:10pm