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Broken Court Order time and time again!

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 2, Feb 2017 at 7:53pm
After Separation

Hi All, I'm new to the site and looking for some advice.

I have a son who is now 10 years old. I have been separated from his mother for many years now. During the separation she stopped me from Seeing my Son for a Year! Simply to use him as a weapon against me more than anything. This broke me not seeing him, I suffered from depression and was in the darkest place i could possibly be in to the point that i wanted to end my life. Thankfully with the right help from whats known as the Crisis Team then helped piece my life back together again and put me on my feet. by this time I was ready for to fight my Ex for access to see my son. already missing a Year of his childhood already and only living a couple of miles away I put together a case against her and took her to Court! it was a long process as they always kick off with Mediation first to resolve it. that fell at the first hurdle as the Ex wasn't prepared to have mediation separately. (when i mean separately i mean in the same building at the same time just in different rooms to each other as i knew nothing would get solved during mediation as we would just argue and no progress would be made) the separate mediation was offered and the Ex declined. so it was written off and sent to court. after a long battle through the court system at my expense, I finally came out with a court order from the judge granting me access to see my son, with trying to hold down my job and living on the breadline it was worth every penny just so i could have access to see my son again. when i did finally see him after a year I broke down with happiness of seeing his little face again. being 5 or 6 years old at the time and after not seeing me for a year it took him a while to recognise who i was but when he did realise it was daddy, words cant describe the emotion we shared that day. so finally with the court order in place and setup i could see my son on a regular basis which was great..for a while!

The Ex has never worked in her life.. never had any interest in doing so and had 4 kids prior to me first meeting her which was fine as she always wanted to be a full time mum with no intention of ever working & I knew this when i went into the relationship and took those kids on as my own as any man would. since the court order was put in place the Ex has found work and landed a job of no description! great im happy for her.. however before taking the so called employment obviously never explained to the employer the court order or considered care arrangements for our son whilst she is at work and the times hes not with me.

The Court order states I can have access to my son every..

& every other weekend

With additional Access over the School holidays and Festive season.

She stuck to the Order for maybe the first 8 months before deciding she was going to move the goal posts to suit her needs.

Then she would do as she pleases when she pleases with no consideration to anyone.

I have had my son turn up at my door on a number of occasions without any warning or prior notice.

I have taken my son home at the agreed times stated in the court order only to find nobody is home only to wait around outside for her to return. I would text to find out whats going on with no reply at first and then after a few times of this happening i told her she is in breach of the court order and ill take this back to court. it lasted for a few weeks and then she went back to doing as she pleases yet again.

She would send me a text to say she wasn't going to be home for him
due to work, yet we still have the same circle of friends to a certain extent who inform me she was having a cuppa and a chat round theirs that night, instead of being home for our sons return.

I've had my son run away to my house in tears because he wasn't happy with things at home.

I've had my son in tears again because the some guy my Ex was seeing thought it would be fun to point an air rifle at my sons head at point blank range. obviously furious about this clanger i confronted the Ex over the phone for her reply to be "well if he didn't like it he wouldn't of asked to have a go of it" he was around 8 years old at the time.

My son is usually passed from pillar to post and around the houses, with different members of her family and her eldest kids who at the time wasn't really old enough to look after themselves even at 14-16 years old.

The list goes on and on. I have been accommodating outside of the court order when she was in hospital getting a gastric band put in, i had my son for a couple of weeks, as i knew he would get cooked a proper meal and washed and dressed in clean clothes. and there have been many other times ive stepped in. yes its for my son and to make sure he's looked after but i also have a Daughter and a partner who need my attention, need to spend time with me and I with them. with the constent goal posts being moved, and the last minute "you have to have your son as im working away" texts with no prior notice etc, it's gone on too long now! the list honestly goes on and on. this is taking its toll and has put continuous pressure on my relationship with my partner for a couple of years now. i've gotten to the point where enough is enough!

I fought for a year to see my son through the courts. got the court order, paid all the court costs and solicitors fees to put it all in place. And still the Ex seems to dictate what happens with access and when it suits her. I have on a couple of occasions (and when i say a couple i mean a 2-3 times) not been able to have my son during the week) but have always made alternative arrangements for my son during that time to be looked after by my Partner until i get back home. Even that was a problem with my Ex as she obviously doesn't like my partner so would refuse to leave him with her till i get home and there goes a strike against me for not turning up for him. then in the next breath the Ex is asking me if i would ask my partner to look after my son on a day we are not due to have him to do her a favour! Honestly there is years and years of this i could write about, but the fact of the matter is I've had enough of the goal posts moving! and not being able to live my life with my partner the way any should be living their lives.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I fought for so long to get access to my son, costing a fortune to take it to court. I am on a low income and cant afford to pay it all over again to take her back in front of the judge just so she can have her wrist slapped and sent on her way! Not seeing my son is out of the question after how far i had to go in the first place to see him again, so i cant refuse to collect him on the set days and times because she has landed my son on my unannounced the day before or after i'm due to have him. what the heck do i do?

Any advice would be much appreciated as im trying not to blow a fuse right now.

Thanks all.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thanks for your post.
    I think the expression you use in your last paragraph sort of sums it up - 'Not seeing my son is out of the question'. You're obviously really glad to be seeing your son after the struggle you had to achieve this. I guess I just want to encourage you to stick with it and not risk sending things into reverse.
    I know it makes your life unpredictable but, as you probably know, that's what being a parent is like a lot of the time. Try not to let your frustration spoil your time with your son. If things are a bit chaotic for him with his mum, it's so lucky that he can have a bit of peace and certainty with you. He'll remember that as he grows up. I'm sure what you're doing for him means a lot.

    Tue 7, Feb 2017 at 5:25pm