Cookies on The Parent Connection: The couple connection uses cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use the couple connection, we will assume that you are happy to receive all cookies from this site.

Contact Weekend changes for welfare of Children

Posted by: Anonymous
Sun 17, Dec 2017 at 12:22pm
After Separation

My sister is having a very difficult time with her ex (father of her two children).

I'll try and keep this factual and brief which is hard without describing the type of person her ex is. In a nutshell he left her (after she had just given birth to their second child), packed all my sisters and the kids stuff up while she was away and emptied their family home, and moved in with his "new" girlfriend nobody knew about. Since then he has been doing everything possible to make her life difficult in regards to the kids, even getting her falsely arrested once.

Now, the current situation is that she has a residency order (gained on the back of the arrest), and he has a contact order for alternative weekends. Now he constantly changes this, sometimes cancels, sometimes comes at different times etc. Every communication with her is abusive and harasses her constantly calling her for example "vile" and a "bad mother" and hoping his kids dont grow up like her etc.

The last contact, he advised that he couldn't fetch the kids and sent his new wife to collect them. My sister was reluctant but as she is always putting the kids first, she asked them how they felt and they were OK (not ecstatic) about the wife picking them up and so my sister allowed it. She subsequently found out that they didn't even see their father until Saturday and that they went to bed hungry as they were not given dinner (ongoing issue where he refuses to feed them on the Friday and orders my sister to do it before he picks them up which is impossible time-wise).
The other issue is that the youngest child rarely wants to go to him and there was a period she didnt want to go at all. Slowly but surely she has started going again but only for 2 nights maximum, and even this is difficult and she is not happy.
He has the children for Christmas this year and as usual he has laid down all the rules and wants them 5 nights / 6 days to which my sister has never agreed, but he assumes everytime he sends her an email, what he says has been agreed.
Based on what happened last weekend, my sister is worried for the welfare of the children and also concerned that 5 nights is too long for them to be away, especiallly the younger one who does not want to go at all.
So my sister has advised him that he needs to agree to the following terms in order to have them for Christmas:
-He picks them up Saturday instead of Friday (so she can feed them Friday evening)
-She will never hand the kids over to anyone but him again
-He can have the children for Christmas but the time needs to be reduced. She didnt want to disuprt Christmas day so has asked him to bring them back boxing day. So in summary they go for 3 nights and 4 days.

He has now replied that he will arrive Friday (as per the original plans that werent agreed) and return them Wednesday (the original plan) and if he arrives and she refuses to to hand the kids over he will call the authorities.

Now obviously we want to avoid this as it will be horrible for the kids to experience but I am just looking for some advice on what my sister can and cant do, and if he calls the police, what they can legally do?

Sorry for the long story and any advise would be much appreciated.

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • User-anonymous Threestars17 Flag

    It’s a civil matter I keep being told police just advise to take it back to court. I’m not much wiser to it but I feel the importance is safe guarding the children’s needs first.

    Sun 17, Dec 2017 at 11:05pm
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    The order for Residence should be of some help to your sister if her ex were to involve the police for some reason.
    It's not clear from what you have said, whether or not the court has also given directions about what should happen over Christmas or left it to the parents to negotiate this between them.
    If the latter is the case, of course she's entitled to suggest an alternative. And of course, I agree with previous comment - that the children's safety and welfare are the first priority.

    Tue 19, Dec 2017 at 9:50am