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Dad is trying to turn our child against me

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 12, Mar 2012 at 1:35pm
After Separation

I have been separated from my chids dad for about three years and I have always let him have her on a regular basis, but the past year he has been saying some horrible things to our 7 year old girl in an atempt for her to go and live with him and his partner telling her that she would be better there, I really don't know what to do and would love some advice on how to go about this problem.
Thank you

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  • Pc Jamie Flag

    That sounds like a very heavy burden for a seven year old ! It must be very difficult for you to hear that from her . But this isn't your daughters issue ... this belongs to the adults . Firstly , have you checked out these facts with your ex. Sometimes children can give the completely wrong interpretion of events when they are repeating them . It might be a good idea to arrange a chat with him to check out the facts ., this article might be useful . Chilldren do not like being stuck in the middle and having to choose between parents . Is your communciation good enough to be able to have this conversation with him ?

    Mon 12, Mar 2012 at 7:28pm
  • User-anonymous daisymoo Flag

    I have spoke to him before about this issue and he does not answer the question.He drops her off and then leaves without talking to me, even though i have raised concerns about what is going on. When she talks about what has been said its never because i ask her what he has said, she tells me if I lived with my dad he said would be able to do this and that and when she has said about things she asks me like you do look after me and love me, and these are things that ive had in txt messages from him and his girlfriend saying that i dont look after her and that i dont love her. I have told her to tell them she dont want to hear nasty things and to just enjoy the time they have together. Im really at my wits end and dont want this going on for my little girl. I have always told her that im here to help her and whatever she wants, i would understand but i don't think its right for him to do it this way.

    Mon 12, Mar 2012 at 8:42pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I had an ex that was saying real nasty stuff about me and my new guy .A mate told me to stop contact but I knew the only people that would hurt were the kids . I sent him a letter saying it was getting serious and we had to talk as the kids were calling me the same names that he used .. I told him straight that the kids might not want to go and see him if this didnt stop and I didnt want that to happen .. . He wouldnt meet me but it has stopped . the kids are happier and I don't care about him . you need to tell him straight !

    Mon 12, Mar 2012 at 9:02pm
  • User-anonymous daisymoo Flag

    Ive had the same with people telling me to stop access but im the same as you i dont want to hurt my child further by stopping him being a parent, as i believe he should be apart of her life. I think i will do the same as ive tried talking to him about it but it carries on still. I have spoke to citizens advice and said for us to go to mediation to try and sort it out or if he still refuses then to court for a residence order so she lives with me but the judge sets rules for both of us to follow and we know where we stand but i really dont want to go to court to fight over her but if this dont work i dont know what else to do. Thank you for your help

    Wed 14, Mar 2012 at 10:39am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi Daisymoo, really sorry to hear about what you're dealing with. It must be so frustrating that your ex refuses to talk to you. Why do you think he does that? Do you think it's his way of avoiding a row?
    If you can find a way to tell him about what your concerns you shouldn't need to go to court.I know that mediation can feel quite scary but it is a good way of clearing the air. Or - why don't you put it in writing? He's more likely to read it and take you seriously if you can avoid accusing him. Perhaps say that some things your daughter tells you makes you worried she's confused or stuck in the middle and you wondered if you could have a chat together about it. You could suggest mediation!

    Thu 15, Mar 2012 at 6:39pm
  • User-anonymous daisymoo Flag

    im writing him a letter to raise my concerns and to let him know that i want to bring up our daughter as a team and not apart. I dont want my daughter to feel that she is stuck in the middle. I really hope that it works because i really dont want to go to court over it, so fingers crossed :s

    Thu 15, Mar 2012 at 8:52pm