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Daughter won't see me

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 25, Apr 2017 at 6:21pm
After Separation

Hi all. I have recently been granted a court order which I am very happy with and in the end entitles me to half of everything like school holidays,xmas,weekends etc. I hadn't seen my kids for a while so contact has started in a contact centre for just 5 sessions. I am 3 sessions in and my youngest two love it. They are all over me with cuddles and are happy playing and spending time with me. My eldest I have been told doesn't want to see me. She is 7!!!! A member of staff at the centre has said that she doesn't get upset isn't crying and isn't giving a reason not to come in. I gave them all a present on 2nd session. It got passed to my eldest who was in the waiting room and she came in to see me to say thank you and gave me a kiss and a cuddle but then left the room again. She wasn't upset when she saw me and was quite happy to give me a hug.
In court my barriester told me that if she doesn't want to see me its not an option really. Like kids don't want to go to school or dentist sometimes she has no choice it's for her benefit to have a relationship with her dad.
I know this is all because of my ex and her influence on her it's always been the same.
Ex is texting saying that I have to write to my eldest because she wants no contact direct or indirect with me! I find that hard to believe as I have always had a good relationship with all my children.
I want to tell ex that I feel it's down to her not encouraging and not wanting her to see me but it will end in arguments and I don't want that.
What can I do?????

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  • User-anonymous Sussex Mod Flag

    I am a separated father in similar circumstances to you ( excepting i'm NOT very happy with the court order after the first hearing).
    I'm experiencing definite 'parental alienation' of both my daughters (11 & almost 14) although the youngest one is more affected. It's incredibly hard as after making some progress, it's now regressed a couple of steps and your hopes raise and then drop again.
    I'm holding out for the 2nd hearing where I believe many of these issues will play out in the open and I'd imagine the same for you. It's hard to advise without knowing the relationships between you and your kids but try and take 'the moral high ground' for the moment - think it will pay dividends.


    Wed 26, Apr 2017 at 1:55pm
  • User-anonymous Laugal Flag


    After my first hearing I didn't really hold out much hope. But I was surprised at the 2nd hearing and they were so fair. 2 hearings and it was over. I didn't bend a bit on agreeing things in court just to show I was the parent and just wanted to see my kids.
    To be honest the courts aren't intrested in she did he did. They hate mud slinging so I never did any of that however much I just wanted to speak my mind and tell them exactly what my ex is doing and the effects it's having on the kids.
    Parent alienation is so hard to prove and involves physiologists and just more money and more to put the kids through.
    After all the courts and stuff and however much the ex is still trying the game playing and controlling card the kids will eventually grow and and they will see it all with their own eyes.
    Good luck with your 2nd hearing and don't giive up hope thinking they won't be fair. Keep fighting and like I have learnt just let the petty things go over your head.

    Wed 26, Apr 2017 at 2:09pm
  • User-anonymous Sussex Mod Flag


    Thanks for the words of encouragement, I couldn't decipher what stage you were at from your first post, so apologies if I sounded at all presumptuous.

    It's really useful to know what the next stage is like, i'm struggling at the moment. Of course we only know our own situation, but i've been separated 8 years and my Ex has continually used manipulation with the kids. I have an MH condition and she's held that up as me being unfit to parent 'safely' and have the agreed contact previously.

    I've worked out for myself, other people's input and research that the mud slinging isn't what they're interested in - its good to hear again. It's taken its toll on my health but I'm going to step back until next hearing - try and get more strength and rest etc.

    Sounds like you're in control so good for you.

    Wed 26, Apr 2017 at 10:19pm