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father going for residency

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 18, Aug 2014 at 8:54pm
After Separation

Hi there, needing some advice I am due in court on thursday I am so nervous as cafcass have made a reccomendation she is to stay with her father, she is currently living with him has been for 8mths regrettedly I sent her due to behavioural issues after getting help via family worker and it not working, now my daughter has stated in the report that she would prefer to be back with me and her sister and that if she had to choose she would choose us as her her words her family, her friends she plays out with and her whole life is here its very upsetting that she has been ignored also there absolutely no safeguarding concerns its also took a really bad effect on her sister who is dearly missing her and wants her bavk I had only sent her there for a short period of time after about 2wks though I couldnt carry on with it neither could my daughter who is 10 he had been recording out phone calls and heard us chatting about it and then he went for an application for reasidency, now I have brought up my daughter from being 18mths old on my own as thats when we split and I satyed single he is now married and I just think thats gone in his favour I dont see jo reason for why she just can't come back home where she belongs she is going to be so distraught by the decision and has even threatened to run away if shes not back home I know ive lost this fight but I am still attending court to put my argument accross I have to try and fight for my baby girl I now have a barrister representing me has anyone been through something similar what do you think the judge will decide I know its not looking good just was hoping for a little hope regards

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Its no wonder you sound stressed with all this going on You do not say what age your daughter is...the one who is not living with you now. The only comforting thought I can think of at the minute, is that the courts will keep your daughter's best interests central. If you stay steady reassuring both your daughters that you love them, as I'm sure you do, then the pain of whatever happens on Thursday will be minimized for them at least. Let us know how it goes.

    Tue 19, Aug 2014 at 9:28am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I can tell how wound up you are, perhaps like a spring! You say "I know I've lost this fight", then a bit later "I have to try and fight" and when something as daunting as a Court hearing comes into your life it could well feel like a battle. Really, all your information you need to say at the hearing is there in your post.

    "her words her family, her friends she plays out with and her whole life is here its very upsetting that she has been ignored"
    "now I have brought up my daughter from being 18mths old on my own as thats when we split"
    "she is going to be so distraught by the decision and has even threatened to run away if shes not back home"

    I have picked out a few of your thoughts from above, and you should have an opportunity to say these calmly to the judge. If your barrister is going to speak instead of you, then tell him/her these things. Like the commenter above, we would like to know how you get on. Stay as calm as you can.

    Tue 19, Aug 2014 at 3:55pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Thankyou both for your comments I will be sure to let you know h ow n I get on fingers crossed its good news my daughter who isnt living with me at present is 10yrs old I have her for the week next week I am dreading it as she is going to be so upset and unhappy which will break my heart I tell her everyday that I love her alot and also miss her very much she tells me the same she has left notes around the house for me to find even on my ironing b oard saying how much she loves me and that she wil be back home before I know it she doesnt even call her dads house home she says her dads home is here I say you have 2 homes baby cakes this is what I call her and tell her she is very lucky I am always trying to reasure her but she is adament she is coming home for good totally heart broken and my other daughter who is 14yrs old is also heart broken we will not give up on her though that will be my promise to her

    Tue 19, Aug 2014 at 10:27pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Whichever way the decision goes, if your daughter knows you love her and will be there for her wherever she lives, I think you're doing all you can. If you can also let her know that she doesn't have to be sad even if she lives with her dad, then I think you're freeing her to try to be happy and get on with her life even if the set up isn't what you would both choose... and that is heartbreaking for you. So hard to hide your own pain in that situation, but it will make her life easier as she will need to try to have a good relationship with whoever she lives with. Then when she sees you and her sister you can at least make sure you all enjoy the time you do have rather than it being spoiled by this battle.

    But who knows, that might not be the decision at all! Fingers crossed for you all. Good luck tomorrow.

    Wed 20, Aug 2014 at 7:27am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Feeling lots of emotions right now thankyou for your well wishes I will let you know howi get on lots of prfaying to do tonight

    Wed 20, Aug 2014 at 5:00pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Well been to court and has been adjourned til october cafcass now have to be questioned as there are no real reasons for his fecommendation been told I need to check schooling incase she is back with me then so fingers crossed it now goes in my favour

    Thu 21, Aug 2014 at 1:42pm
  • Dandelion_pic elli Flag

    That's some wait and I guess she'll be long back at school before any decision's made. I hope you're managing ok - it could feel pretty tough. I guess you'll use this time in between to keep up a good relationship with your daughter. How's her sister coping now?

    Wed 27, Aug 2014 at 8:57am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Hi there sorry not been on for a while, mine and my daughters relationship has been fine she gets upset when I have to return her to her dad found out she been upset while at her dads house too due to missing me and her sister just seems so unfair to her but I am trying to stay strong and not cry as advised by my barrister as it could prevent me from fighting properly in court her older sister isnt coping too well she just says she cant believe what her dad is doing and just wants her sister back so I am constantly reassuring her that no matter what happens I still love them very much and told her that when we do see her sister we will make it special fingers crossed I can get my baby girl back where she wants to be

    Mon 8, Sep 2014 at 9:49pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    I think you are doing everything you can do at this moment in time . I guess you are counting down the days to October.

    Mon 8, Sep 2014 at 10:34pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Well just over 3 weeks away til my final hearing the big decision getting very nervous done another statement of what I have put in place at home with regards to my daughters behaviour when she is here and its going great also have given evidence of this too been intouch with her school and they still have an available place for her just hope that now this is enough to get her back and also had confirmation of absolute no safe guarding concerns with me as a parent so fingers crossed still not feeling confident as he has the cafcass reccommendation she stays with him looking forward to the cafcass officer being questioned though for his reasons. My daughters dad has complained to my solicitor about me texting her apparantly its excessive which is a load of nonsense most of my texting is replying to her texts saying she loves and misses me but my solicitor has put him straight with it feel like he is trying to put a rift between us now its getting closer to the final hearing hoping the judge wont be happy with what he is doing sorry for the essay I do ramble sometimes just my nerves and needed to get it out 😥

    Sun 28, Sep 2014 at 11:29pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    I can understand how nervous you must feel .
    I don't think you are rambling at all but It's good to write your progress and if the site helps you do that , then great. You may also be inspiring other people in a similar situation .

    Mon 29, Sep 2014 at 6:49pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Well had his statement for our last hearing and cannot believe the things he has said about me feels like its just a personal attack towards me and he has done it late so hoping the judge can see through his lies made me out to be such a bad mum so far from the truth think there is only a few paragraphs there that the judge has asked for the rest is just slating me if he wasnt so hell bent on trying to hurt me he would see what it is actually doing to both the children they are so hurt by everything thats going on I wish he would just let my youngest come home.

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 7:11am
  • Pc Bern Flag

    It must be hard to read a statement like that about yourself. Unfortunately, the court process has the effect of a parents making out that they're great and the other parent is rubbish! You're right to say that judges are good at seeing through the personal attacks and do their best to make a decisions based on what's in a child's best interests.
    You've survived this long, you just need to keep strong for the last stage of the court process. When is the final hearing?

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 7:34am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    The final hearing is 2wks this fri I am so so nervous

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 1:51pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    The next few weeks will feel so long so try and keep yourself busy .The key is to be organised and be clear on the information you want to give to your barrister.
    It must be really hard to read such negative things but try to not let it affect your self esteem. .
    I hope this link offers you some tips to help you through

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 5:23pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Thankyou.... I am upset by it but I am absolutely furious by the things he has said he made it seem that I have neglected her even though I have brought her up on my own for 8yrs and also have another daughter who is nearly 15 he even got social services out onto me last yr they done their checks and nothing they had no concerns and that was the end of that now I know why he did it I have never felt so angry I have now evidence of the txts my daughter has sent me saying over and over again that she misses me so so so much and loves me so so so ao much and there is a place at the school she attended from reception and no safeguarding concerns hopefully this will help me fingers crossed I will let you know how it goes

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 6:25pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    fingers crossed

    Mon 6, Oct 2014 at 8:07pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Been to see my solicitor about his statement she has said the stakes are high and he will say these things to keep her and make out he can offer her better than me my solicitor has also said its very rare it goes to this stage of a final hearing but my barrister on the second hearing pulled up the section 7 report now I know uts very rare also that the judge will go against a recommendation but just wondered has anyone ever heard of it going to a final hearing and maybe the judge going against it? Sleepless nights starting to kick in now so tired and drained permantly on my mind I am still mind set that he is going to win cant think any other way :-(

    Thu 9, Oct 2014 at 11:18pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I guess you are bound to have good days when you are feeling strong and positive and others when you are negative and insecure - the main thing is that you are keeping going and doing all you can for your little girl.

    Fri 10, Oct 2014 at 9:27am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Yes today is most definately a negative and insecure day the feeling strong and feeling positive days are becoming alot more fewer but paint a smile on my face for my other daughter when she is in the room I just keep praying and praying

    Fri 10, Oct 2014 at 9:36am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Is the hearing 2 weeks today? I hope you have someone to offload to in these last 2 will need to have enough sleep to give you energy to get through these two weeks for you and your two girls. Reading all your comments it does sound like your youngest is very clear that she loves you and wants to be with you. This is powerful evidence in your favour. I take it your solicitor will be in court with I right?

    Fri 10, Oct 2014 at 6:11pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Yes the hearing is 2wks today trying to think positive and because of the type of hearing it is I have a barrister with me

    Fri 10, Oct 2014 at 6:17pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Do you think because I have evidence of the text messages sent from her saying she loves me so so so much and misses me so so so so much is this a good thing also her place at her school she attended from reception is still there also have evidence of this from the head and also evidence of no safe guarding concerns also cafcass officer has said the same to me and I have also put really good things in place at home reguarding her behaviour which supports her emotional needs massively this is what my last statement is about as what the judge asked for also I have evidence of this how does all this sound do you think to the judge could there be a slight possibility all this could go in my favour and a new recommendation is made from the judge very very anxious still in my mind he has won just hoping for a little hope

    Mon 13, Oct 2014 at 3:40pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    I think understandably you are holding onto every bit of hope and I guess you would love someone to be able to tell you that the judge will rule in your favour. However the reality is that no one at this stage can say that as the judge will have to weigh up all the evidence and make a decision on what (S)he thinks is best for your daughter
    The best you can do now is be as prepared as you possibly can be and make sure you give your solicitor every piece of evidence is relevant. You need to stays strong and positive and believe in your case wishing you luck with it all

    Mon 13, Oct 2014 at 4:29pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Thankyou never been as scared as I am in my whole life its just an awful experience I suppose for anyone to go through alls I can do I suppose is try and convince the judge that we are not going to be here again will still keep praying everyday no doubt I will be writing on here again closer to the time 1wk this fri fingers very tightly crossed

    Mon 13, Oct 2014 at 4:46pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Well trying to stay strong is getting so much harder now 4 days and 13hrs to go til the final hearing my daughter I feel is getting very anxious also the texts I have recieved from her tonight and the other night is heart breaking saying she hates it where she is asking me to let her home she misses being with me every night and being around her family she has here also said it breaks her heart not to give me a cuddle every night before bed she misses me picking her up from school as I work round school hrs and they dont I am not slating him or his wife for that its life I know. Just so upsetting reading her messages but we have had a fab weekend full of laughs and cuddles hated taking her back rambling on again sorry

    Sun 19, Oct 2014 at 8:09pm
  • Pc Bern Flag

    Wonderful to hear you had a fab weekend. Whatever happens no-one can take away that loving bond you and your daughter have.

    Mon 20, Oct 2014 at 7:11am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    We have a great bond im just afraid he will try his hardest to put a rift between us as he is trying already trying to stop me from having as much contact through texts she has her phone taken off her just hope judge will take on board what she is saying in the texts I recieve ive had to give lots of reassurance to my daughter making her understand that no matter what happens she is very much loved by everyone and that I ama always here for her when ever she needs me can't believe how fast its come round

    Mon 20, Oct 2014 at 7:35am
  • User-anonymous KAtu Flag

    Will be thinking of you on Friday. Whichever way it goes, hope you are ok. You're right, your bond with your daughter is the most important, and you'll have that wherever she lives. Sounds like you're doing everything you can by reassuring her of this.
    Good luck

    Wed 22, Oct 2014 at 9:35am
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Thankyou...... one thing I can say is ive neber felt nerves like this ever in my life and the nightmares are just as bad but ive done everything the judge has asked of me and ive got some evidence together too all I can do now is pray keep my fingers crossed and say my piece on friday and just hope x

    Wed 22, Oct 2014 at 9:21pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Oh my word the nerves are unreal today stomach keeps doing flips and my legs keep going to jelly and getting nausea horrible horrible horrible feeling :-( fingers crossed everyone x

    Thu 23, Oct 2014 at 12:47pm
  • Pc Bern Flag

    Good luck for tomorrow.

    Thu 23, Oct 2014 at 5:12pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Thankyou let's hope luck will be on my side tomorrow my daughter has text me saying she hopes I can get her away from there tomorrow and that she believes in me bless her I will let you know how I get on thankyou everyone for your kind comments and support this site has really helped me much appreciated xx

    Thu 23, Oct 2014 at 10:25pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    hope you are ok .

    Mon 27, Oct 2014 at 6:39pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Gutted about the result both my girls are very upset about it too but they both know I love them very much and we just going to look forward to have fun times thankyou everyone for your support and kind comments I will get there feels strange now knowing that I can't just go and get her

    Tue 28, Oct 2014 at 7:10pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    I am sorry to hear the result wasn't what you hoped . I am so pleased that you recognize in all of this the importance of the girls knowing how much you love them . The aim now is to make the time you spend with them together as much fun as it can be and in whatever time you have continue to be the best Mum she could wish for .
    Well done for trying to stay positive.

    Tue 28, Oct 2014 at 8:12pm
  • User-anonymous leanne_wright Flag

    Well I am now feeling upset my daughter has never been so unhappy she looks so depressed and her bubbliness has gone she just stares into space when I have to return her the text messages I recieve are more indepth of how she is feeling saying she feels so alone she just wants to come back as she says where she belongs its so distressing I just dont know what to do alls I do is reassure her even my family and our close friends have made comments on how she is they cant believe it as this just isnt her at all :-(

    Fri 7, Nov 2014 at 5:09pm
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Can you speak to her dad to find out if he's noticed a difference? I understand how worried you must be but it might be that she's perfectly fine the rest of the time but sad when she comes to you.

    Sun 9, Nov 2014 at 11:25am