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Help - Co Parenting!

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 25, Jan 2017 at 8:42pm
After Separation

My sons father has recently taken me to court regarding access as he has not seen our son in over 1 year. we had an agreement in place where he collects our son from school once a week and everywhere Saturday however this lasted approximately 9 months soon after his mother passed away. I was compassionate as my sons grandmother and I were very close so I kept to the agreed contact dates however I transported our son to his father and family. This continued for 18 months until our sons 6th birthday then I spoke with his dad to say that he would now have to be responsible for transporting our son on agree dates as my work hours were now extended and our sons football activities were three times weekly. My sons father said that if I was not willing to transport our son then he would not be collecting him. We are back in court in 2 weeks for final hearing and I have since reached out via parenting plan, emails proposing access but he refuses to collect our son. I did reach out over the xmas and said I would compromise and drop our son over as we are sorting access but he said that he would have a family member drop him home ( perfectly fine). I have reached out again today and said our son is missing him if he would like to spend sometime but insisted that I must drop him as he does not think that he should have to collect our son as it's not a good idea and his family members are busy.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear that you've had difficulty reaching agreement with your son's father about the arrangements for them to see each other. It sounds like you've done your best to make things work and gone out of your way to make sure they see each other. I guess you may feel you've set up an expectation about what you're prepared to do which is now very difficult to shift.
    It also sounds like you're not sure about his commitment to his child and how much he really wants to spend time with him. Might that be what's behind your feelings about him not helping more with picking him up and dropping him off?
    Although being in court has its drawbacks, it can also be an opportunity to sort things out, especially practical issues about what's a fair contribution from each parent. I guess you have to decide what you are prepared to do, what you can fit into your other commitments and put that forward as the basis for your proposal for how they spend time with each other. This may be all you can do if you're to avoid putting yourself under lots of pressure. It's important that your son has the best possible relationship with his dad but it's also important that you take care of your own well-being for his sake.

    Fri 27, Jan 2017 at 11:43am