Cookies on The Parent Connection: The couple connection uses cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use the couple connection, we will assume that you are happy to receive all cookies from this site.

HELP! In despair

User-anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous
Flag
Sun 17, Dec 2017 at 4:56pm
Categories:
After Separation
Tags:
Comma

Was with a controlling man for years, if you know a professional narcissist and for years have suffered emotionally, coercive and financially, many other ways but violent, he had an affair throughbout this and is now with the woman who is constantly manipulating my son into feeling I’m a bad mother, in the end I’d decided to move but he refused for me to take my children, my son who is 12 years old and has no biological or parental responsibility over, and my daughter who he always knew may not be his since was was early pregnant but has denied until i ordered the a test through court. It’s proved he is not the biological father but now they are seeking a residency order, they have barristers and representatives and I have nothing, when he thinks I’m getting nearer to getting my children he ramps it up and lies. This time is gf assaulted me in front of my children causing so much distress, I breached the prohibited steps order and kept my children who by the way were only with him since he threatened me when I went to leave with them and ridiculed me and said I was bad to drag the children away, I was left with no choice through fear yet for the life of me all calls to social services on the emotional abuse my son suffers the fact that they isolate and separate them and are using them to punish me is going unnoticed. This time after the assault that I reported the police instructed me not to return my kids so I went to court and was issued with an order that prohibits him from removing them from me, three days later at that hearing the judge ordered he has the even over the Xmas period, which means this is the second Xmas they spend without me, my son doesn’t want to go back their my biological kids and they witnesses their mom being assaulted now I don’t want to take them back there ever this man is an ex bf we were never married and the children’s biological fathers are aware of the court proceedings and willing to support. What do I do? Keep my children till next court date? I’m not unreasonable I’ll agree to contact but not to be controlled through my children by someon who has no PR.

  This was of help to 0% of people  

Comments

  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    This is all clearly very distressing for you. I'm really sorry this is happening to you and your family. However, it almost certainly isn't going to help your case to not go along with the court order and I'm guessing that if your kids are in any way aware of what the judge has decided, they will be very uneasy as well.
    I'm sure you understand how important it is to shield your children from the conflict between you and your ex.
    Although it's painful for you, they will probably appreciate you doing whatever you can to keep the peace, at least over the holiday period.

    Tue 19, Dec 2017 at 10:04am
  • User-anonymous Threestars17 Flag

    Thank you,

    I really appreciate that, the issue is for years I’ve been the one damping things down by excusing his behaviour or how he made me feel so that the children never saw him as bad, yet he now is making it a point to cause such a painful process for the kids I’m even at the point of agreeeing for him to have them just so the fighting stops, I’ve asked for his parents support but since his new lady who assaulted me came fully into the picture they have made a point of pushing me out which I don’t mind but my sons being treated the same, my little girl not so much and I see them using all the control and abusive treatment towards my son who will always defend me even when I tell him not to so as not to anger him cause he is a man that has to win no matter who suffers along the way and I’m focused more on making sure the children come first but with my son point blank refusing it’s distressing because my maternal instinct wants to shield my babies yet the stupid order that should have never been there in the first place stops me from doing so, so I just have to let my son go back to the person he has spoke against who threatens him. I also think the judge is biased because as I’m self representing no one has bothered to explain anything to me I didn’t know all this would have gone different had I filed too to counter now I’m so behind constantly trying to defend and he’s moving ahead manipulating and bullying his way through. I feel like no one can hear us, even my 6 year old said I saw Dad an ???? The gf push my brother outside when he went to get my party dress, what do I do with all this but uphold what boundaries have been put in place stopping a Mother from protecting her children against an ex boyfriend with no biological connections to the children.

    Tue 19, Dec 2017 at 7:38pm