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Help with child arrangements

Posted by: Anonymous
Fri 6, Jan 2017 at 11:29am
After Separation

Hi there, my husband of 13 years left 01/11/16. It had been awful year, there were some incidents of domestic violence and he was cautioned by the police for it in April 3016 as I wouldn't presscharges.He's a binge drinker and went through a coiundrkling programme and when it ended 22.09 he went straight back to the booze. He had a very successful job and comes across like a very reasonable man.
We have a four 1/2 daughter who loves her daddy. I worked part time so I did all
The raising.

I need to sort out proper access, however he wants to have my daughter overnight, which I've said no to due to the drink issues. I've said he can have her all day on Saturdays and call twice a week.

He's saying this is unreasonable, however he moved to
A new house and didn't disclose his address until five weeks later as said I had no rights to know where it was?!

I'll be honest I'm very hurt by my husband and I still love him. I believed all his lies and took him back 4 times last year. . He's walked out and he thinks he can ring when it suits him around his gym and that I'm being unreasonable,

Can someone tell me what is reasonable access / calls during the week? Where do
I stand re overnight visits?

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thanks for your post. You've asked some questions that I am sure will be very helpful to other parents.
    This sounds like a very sad situation for you but you're obviously able to think clearly about what might be best for your child, including her safety in the care of her father.
    I'm interested to see that you have concerns about her staying with her father overnight but would agree to her being with him for a day at a time. Clearly you've made an assessment of how his drinking might impact on his parenting. Is this more likely to be a concern overnight than during the daytime? Does he drive for instance?
    How do you feel about her being on her own with him? Do you feel there need to be safeguards in place, such as another adult being present, for instance?
    You're entitled to consider all these points (and you may be able to think of more) in order to ensure your daughter's safety. It's quite acceptable to address this as a priority and for it to form the basis of when and how she sees her dad.
    So, there's no 'formula' for how this takes place. It's ok to make reasonable proposals. If you and her dad are struggling to agree arrangements between you, then you might want to consider contacting your local Family Mediation Service.

    Sat 7, Jan 2017 at 12:55pm