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Helping father/teenage daughter relationship (seperated)

Posted by: Anonymous
Sun 22, Apr 2018 at 10:32pm
After Separation

Hi all. I've just found this site, and seems to have some great information and help around.

I am seperated from my childs (8 y/o girl) mother, but have a reasonable relationship with them, and regular contact. This post is about my new partner and the father of her children.

The seperated just after christmas 2015, and they have 2 children (9 and 14). He was never close to his kids, and he see's them one night a week, and every friday night. The 14 y/o daughter is going less and less (the mid week), and he won't have the kids more over the holidays. He is in a new relationship and there are 3 children there, he spends more time and money, etc with them. There are lot's of issues here (eventually getting money sorted at the moment), but the main one affecting the kids, is his lack of wanting them more (he has actually said "You can't make me see the kids"). He think he's the worlds best dad and done nothing wrong. He does very little with them when he has them (they say he just on the phone to his partner most of the time), hardly feeds them, and just quite useless. Strange trying to get him to see the kids more when he just happy to get rid of them at the earliest opportunity. He's qute controlling and arrogant, but the effect on the 14 y/o girl is quite bad. She can't really talk to him as he turns it all round to be about him "Do yoiu know how upset I am you don't come as much", etc. My partner has tried to talk to him a number of times, but gets the usual "I'll get back to you", etc. He brings it round to money whenever access/contact is discussed (should be treated seperately). She doesn't want to go more, and would be hard to force her to go even if he agreed to it.

It's been over two years and my partner has little to no influence on him. The daughter can't/won't talk to him. It's weird seeing a father who wants to do as little as possible with regard access/contact, and the mother wanting him to have more. I try and think everyone is decent deep down, but he isn't changing on this regard...

Mum is there for her, and makes a lot of time, but she very stressed and not sleeping and having negative affect on her and the kids. Somehow she needs to get control (he very controlling), of the situation and make him see what damage his actions is having on her. You can't force in a court order someone to see their kids if they don't want to, and she won't stop access as it's not in the kids interest...

One idea is that I (as a semi outsider), contacts his new partner in the "nicest possible way", i.e. no nastyness, etc to see if she could get through to him. Could this in any way be used against my partner in law, or court, etc? It's kind of a last resort, but she might be able to have some influence on him. I don't know her, but could get an email, etc to her?

Sorry for the little rambling, but wondered if anyone could assist?

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  • User-anonymous Markrr Flag

    Very upsettng for everyone involved. As a mediator i find the round table meetings with uninterupted time of taliking very powerful but parties havevto agree to mediate.
    Good luck. Mark

    Sun 29, Apr 2018 at 10:21pm