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His place, her place, their place, and mine.

Posted by: Anonymous
Wed 22, Mar 2017 at 11:51pm
After Separation

Where to begin? Being a single parent and dating was a Hard enough. I read all of the books and made sure I waited like they said to before I inteoduced my baby to my guy. She was just a baby at the time, but now shes a toddler that he absolutely adores. I should ha e been prepared, I mean I was fully aware of what I was looking out for, but I was not prepared to date someone with their own kids.

He has a boy 12 and a girl 7. I love them like they are my own. However, I often find myself thinking "that's not going to fly, or he's being too soft, you're being conned" I never say these things because I am playing the supportive role, not a parenting one yet... or so I thought. I have moved in and think it was a mistake. If he is not ready for me to help him parent, I dont think we as a couple are prepared for co child rearing .. we have totally different mind sets on the subject.

To be more clear, it's more so the way he lets his daughter control everything. Dinner, bedtime, tv, activities. She eats exactly two foods and dinner revolves around him pleading and begging until she cries, gets out of eating and eventually getting an assortment of snacks later. Every night. You can only imagine their bedtime routine. Most times he sleeps on the couch with her or me on the couch if he wants her in bed with him. We sometimes try to get all of us in bed together but no one sleeps with it being too hot and crowded. We never do anything together because she refuses to leave the iPad or lap top. I end up taking my daughter alone to everything, I feel like a single parent again. I get that she's 7 and she's dealing with a lot with her mom leaving, but is this normal? Am I wrong to be second guessing if I'm ready for this? I want a realistic relationship, if this is dating between two parents with their own kids is, please be blunt and tell me. Help me let go of whatever dreamland fantasy I thought this was going to be.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post. I'm sorry your life with your new partner isn't working out as you had hoped.
    I'm wondering if your man being a full time parent to his kids is a new thing for him? Maybe he's on a steep learning curve? You're clearly anxious that he is struggling in this role. Would he acknowledge that he is finding it difficult? I'm asking, because, if so, he might be open to having some advice but he might find it easier to take from someone outside the situation, rather than from you. Does that make sense?
    Also, I wanted to advise you not to worry about becoming a parent to these children. If their mum's still around and they're seeing her regularly, that isn't something you need to take on as well.
    Let me know what you think. Meanwhile, here are links to a couple of articles on this site that you might find helpful:
    There's also quite a bit of information out there on the web about being a step parent.
    Good luck. Come back to us and let us know how you get on.

    Thu 23, Mar 2017 at 2:16pm