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How do I get started?

Posted by: Anonymous
Fri 9, Dec 2011 at 1:15pm

We have been married for 8 years and have 2 children, aged 4 and 2 years. We have always had a stormy relationship here I have been the noisy angry one and my husband has just walked away and left me to get over it. Since our daughter was born two years ago the situation has got worse...we disagree about everything and I wonder why we ever got married...'though we both really love our children. I have changed, I can't be bothered arguing with him anymore....he now goes out a lot more with his workmates and I am not bothered...I have good friends and family who visit and help with childcare if I go out with my friends. I now want to separate from my husband and live on my own with the children. I have no problem with sharing time with the children with him...although he rarely volunteers to do anything with them now. Can anyone help me to get husband knows nothing about this yet and I want to know how to go about this in the best way before I tell him.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    I'm sorry to hear things are so unhappy for you.
    The first thing I wondered about is whether your husband really is unaware of how you are feeling? He may know more than you think, but, like you, does not know how to approach it.
    Secondly, what might his reaction be if you were to tell him what you have in mind? Would he agree that your marriage is over or might he want to try and keep you together?
    Can I suggest you click on 'Relationship Insights' on this website and go to: 'Changes and Stages of a Relationship' ? You might find this helpful to be clearer about what might be happening between you and help you to think about whether or not you need to talk this through with somebody neutral, such as a Relate Counsellor before you take things further.
    I hope you feel clearer about your situation soon.

    Sun 11, Dec 2011 at 8:58am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I can understand why you're not feeling happy in your marriage and you need to do something about it. A lot of people think the only solution to an unhappy relationship is to separate which is a shame. You could end up swapping one set of problems for another set of problems!

    Marriages have good times and bad times - they can change for the better if you're prepared to put some work into it. I do think it's worth trying some couple counselling to make absolutely sure that the marriage can't be saved. It also gives your husband a chance to understand what's going on for you. In a way, that's where you need to get started.

    Sun 11, Dec 2011 at 2:36pm
  • Pc Jamie Flag

    I think reading this that your minds made up . Is it ? if you are sure as you can be that its over and there is no going back then you need to think about making future plans .
    it might be worth looking at the following article and it will give you some indications into what needs to be done if you intend to legally end the relationship by means of a divorce:
    hope this helps

    Tue 31, Jan 2012 at 6:16pm