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I Lost access due to my drinking

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 16, Mar 2017 at 4:49pm

I'm ashamed to admit that a year ago to the day I got drunk with my daughter and lost access. For most of her life (she's 10) i've picked her up every Wednesday and Weekend.

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol however thats now changed and I'm looking forward to a life without the booze and have been sober for the last 5 months.

I'm in a stable relationship and have a baby daughter with my current partner.
I run my own business and have found some peace of mind.

The mother of my daughter had said I could visit my daughter whilst she supervised which I did but due to resentments, egos and pride on both our parts this is not being allowed to happen again.

There's obviously far more to the story than what I've written here. I've just given a rough outline in the hope that someone can identify and maybe help.

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post and for being so honest about your situation. Am I right in thinking that your daughter now doesn't see you at all? Again well done for recognising I notice that your part in things going wrong.
    I'm guessing you're worried that it may take a lot for your ex to start trusting you again. Does she know about your new circumstances? What do you think the chances are of a dialogue with her about re-instating some visits between you and your daughter?
    I would suggest starting small - a short visit at a neutral venue, maybe where other parents and children might be present to help to build a sense of safety and trust.
    If you think that negotiating this with each other might be too tricky, have you considered mediation?

    Sun 19, Mar 2017 at 2:53pm
  • User-anonymous isdadmark Flag

    Thank you for your response Jaybee

    I didn't have a particully pleasant childhood and never learnt how to self sooth so when I was introduced to alcohol and in the early 90's 'recreational' drugs I began using them incorrectly.

    My daughter's Mum and I parted 9 years ago and it was messy. I was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to self medicate at the time and things didn’t end well. To be able to have any sort of any unsupervised access I was made to take a drug test after six months which I past with flying colours.

    For the the next seven years I have had my daughter every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday week in and week out. During this time I’ve also built up a business from scratch and even got to the point where my daughter's Mum and I would take her for meals and she would call me if she ever needed any help.

    I met a girl in 2015 and got her pregnant (this didn't go down well with my daughters Mother) I never had plans to have another child let alone with a girl I hardly knew. This sent me on a downhill spiral again.

    After the incident my daughter's Mum would only let me have access whilst my parents supervised which wasn’t ideal as they are elderly and have their own lives to live. When they couldn’t commit to set times she stopped all access with us all.

    Using this situation as an excuse my drinking continued until I checked myself into a rehab in October.

    I had seen a mediator, however she refused to work with us after I came out of the rehab.

    Today I have the mental ammunition too ensure it doesn’t happen again. I attend 3 AA meetings a week and am content in most aspects of my life.

    I went to see a solicitor and realised that the only winners in this would be them. My daughter's Mother allowed me to visit her at her home whilst she supervised. This was awful as she had turned a chair round so she could watch my daughter and I on the sofa and dictated how the conversation went. I wasn't comfortable with this and my frustration showed.

    After that she refuses any type of access until Isabel is eighteen even though I’ve agreed to do what ever she wants and be submissive whilst doing so.

    I call my daughter twice a week and send her pocket money each week. I know I’ve brought this on myself but is that it? I can’t see my daughter for the next eight years?

    Thanks again for your time.

    Mon 20, Mar 2017 at 4:08pm