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Introducing a new partner

User-anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous
Flag
Sun 6, Aug 2017 at 10:38am
Categories:
After Separation
Tags:
New partner,introduction,family,children,moving forward,step family

I hope I won't be judge for my situation but i need advice on how to move forward.
I have two children aged 7 and 4, they both have different fathers.
My eldest father was a teen relationship from 14 to when I was 21 and realised it was a toxic volatile abusive relationship that couldn't be fixed, we separated when my son was 18 months, he had contact up until last year when many thugs happened and contact is bow ceased and going through court.
After about 4 months of separating from his father I met someone new and things moved far to fast and I ended up pregnant after 6 months, after some convincing we went through with the pregnancy, when my youngest was a few months old I found out he had been cheating on me with my best friend, which was also my eldest aunt. I kicked him out but ultimately we got back together, me not wanting another broken home and relationship. 3 years later and after planning to get married I realised I couldn't do it, along with many other problems I just couldn't trust him and the love was gone.
Very shortly after we separated an old friend got in touch, who I had feelings for years ago and those feelings where still there, he has a son who is 1. We have been seeing each other for 4 months and things are really good, I've met his son a couple of times casually but have kept my children out if it as they are older. He is totally on board with the situation as having a son himself he understands the situation. But the way things are going and how we both feel I 100% believe this is the one for me, I have never felt this way about someone and am now wondering how and when to involve my children. I am on good terms with my youngest dad, he sees both children very regularly and he knows I'm seeing someone and have agreed he will be involved in how and when introductions start. But when they are the age they are I need advice on how to make a slow calm state of introduction and when to do it. Shall I speak to them first, especially my eldest, is it best to do it out of the home, is after 6 months too soon? Anyone have any advice or experience? Thank you for reading my long post!

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Comments

  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thanks for your post telling us your story. It's good to hear that you are on good terms with your younger child's father. I think it's a really good idea to discuss this with him. Hopefully he can be supportive in the sense that he can hear about your new partner from your child without this being a problem and without your child feeling it's a 'taboo' subject.
    As far as your older child's father is concerned, might there be the opportunity for addressing this with him during the proceedings that are going through court; if you're using mediation for instance?
    I understand this might be difficult but I would recommend trying to seize the opportunity while there are other people around to support and listen to both of you.
    As for talking to your children, there are no 'rules' about this but I am sending you a link to an article on this site that gives some hints about how to go about it.
    https://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/meeting-new-partners
    Let me know what you think.

    Wed 9, Aug 2017 at 9:16am