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Looking for help

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 5, Dec 2017 at 11:20am
After Separation

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but I need some advice and I can't find anything online that is relevant to my specific situation. As some background, I spilt with my abusive ex in 2013 and we have a 5 year old daughter together. We spent some time trying to co-parent without a court order until Nov 2016 when he threatened to slit my throat over the phone and I obtained a non-molestation order against him, and he then took me to court regarding contact. He asked for 40% contact, and now has my daughter 6 nights out of 14. Despite him admitting to being violent during our relationship he was given everything he asked for and I was not listened to at all throughout the court process. We lodged an appeal where again I was completely ignored and the initial contact order was upheld.

Due to the amount of documented harassment, and as part of the non-molestation order his phone number is blocked on my phone. The contact order states that he has phone contact daughter on two of the nights she is with me, and I have provided a mobile phone for my daughter to use so that he can call her on those days. The contact order also states that he will make my daughter available so that I am able to talk to her, although this is an added recital to the order and not part of the order itself. At first I was able to call his girlfriend's phone to speak to my daughter, he then decided he wouldn't do this any further and we were able to agree that he would call my daughter's phone on the days I am due to have phone contact. I have recently applied to extend the non-molestation order, and as a result of this he has decided he will no longer phone so that I can have my phone contact, and has expressly stated that he has no intention of doing this moving forward.

The contact order is set up in such a way that he is able to do this, it is not equal in any way and he has continued to use the phone contact as a way to harras me, threaten and control me. We have already appealed and lost, but it is totally biased in his favour. The only real options as I see it are; allow him to have phone contact as laid out in the order knowing that I am unable to speak to my daughter during the time that she is with him, unblock his number on my phone so that I can call and speak to her (obviously this then opens me up to the abuse and harrasment again, and I am currently in treatment for PTSD based on the repeated trauma that I suffered) so it's not really an option), or stop his phone contact in the hopes that he will take me back to court and the contact order may become more balanced.

Can anyone offer any advice? I am at a compete loss as to what to do. As far as I am concerned the phone contact is unnecessary and causes far more stress than it's worth. My daughter is 5 and has very little interest in speaking on the phone to either of us for 30 minutes at a time, and we both have to adjust our schedules to allow for this time which is ridiculous when we have near enough 50/50 contact it seems excessive, but the only way I can see it changing is by going back to court, which I cannot do as I've already appealed. Any help or insight would be truly appreciated, as I feel truly stuck at the moment.

Thanks in advance.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Well, who knew? 5 year olds are not that interested in talking on the phone!
    It raises the question 'Who is this for?' and you've come up with the answer!
    How do you feel about opting out of talking to her if she still hears from her dad while she's with you? Would that seem very unfair?
    If your daughter has any inkling of what you have experienced as abuse from her father, it may be a relief to her to know that this is no longer an issue that causes you upset and anxiety.

    Wed 6, Dec 2017 at 6:25pm