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New partner with kids

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 11, May 2017 at 3:05am
After Separation


I have met a lovely Englishman in Australia who came over 5 years ago with his family. They split about a year and a half later. I met him 8 months ago and because I have been a live in step mum before, I am very cautious about jumping in.

For some reason I am becoming more and more anxious around my partner when he is with his children. At first I wasnt, they fought alot, it was loud and demonstrative but they always made up. I was the calm person in the group.

Now they are more calmer with each other and closer and now I feel like the one that doesnt fit in. Their bond is a very healthy "strong" and I am finding I am feeling more and more anxious.

Does anyone relate to this or have any suggestions.

He wants to move in - he has the kids 38% of the time and so much fear comes up in me. I have read and experienced this before and I know its a real mine field.

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a struggle with your emotions in this situation. It sounds as if you find their closeness to each other particularly challenging. I wonder if you need help with trying to understand your feelings in this situation? Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel when his children are around? (You sound very fond of each other, he'd want you to feel ok about things, wouldn't he?) It seems important to try and sort it out because if you and your partner do decide to live together, these children are going to become a big part of your life.
    I'm sending you a link to an article on this site that you might find helpful:
    You and your partner are planning to make a big 'investment' with each other into the future and your relationship is still quite new. I wonder if you would consider looking for some help for yourselves as a couple, as a kind of 'insurance' to prevent problems arising further down the line?

    Mon 15, May 2017 at 7:34am
  • User-anonymous Anita Flag

    Thankyou. When you say help - what do you mean?

    Mon 15, May 2017 at 9:51am
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, what I had in mind was some counselling - either as a couple or individually.
    What do you think?

    Tue 16, May 2017 at 8:35am
  • User-anonymous Anita Flag

    Ah yes - I totally agree. Thankyou

    Relationships are a challenge. Raising my own children was a very big challenge. Attempting to live with children I don't know very well would be a very big challenge

    Tue 16, May 2017 at 10:50am