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Obstructive and abusive behaviour from the mother of children

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 9, Jan 2018 at 6:00am
After Separation

Hello, I really need some advice, I saw the legal advisor at court with the mother of my children. I stated the reason why I am hear today is because I'm here to seek a court order which states the days and times that I'll be seeing my children with no abusive behaviour or obstructions from their mother and for my wife and family to meet children. For me it is very upsetting to collect my children when their mother is shouting. I see my children's faces and they look sad and upset and I'm in a position where I have to walk away or stay while their mother is shouting. The legal advisor didn't see or understand why I stopped contact and to seek an court order to stop this from happening again because the children are suffering. So the legal advisor said there will be no order made because this is something that us parent should be able to sort out. So now I'll have to continue with the same arrangement in place but the mother now has the opportunity to cause obstruction and continue with her behaviour. Even at court she got in front of my wife's face and swore at me in court and that is a sign the she's going cause more problems. Is there anything that can be done about this situation because it's hard to prove that the children are affected by her behaviour unless there is video evidence and I'm due to see my children the Saturday coming.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, thanks for your post. It sounds like you felt that contact with you wasn't right for your children if it meant them being exposed to conflict and stress. That makes a lot of sense.
    However, the legal adviser was right - that you and their mum should be able to agree a reasonable schedule for contact, which just leaves the question of how to protect your children from any friction between the two of you.
    Is there a way that the children can come to you without you and their mum meeting face to face? What you arrange depends partly on how old your children are, of course.

    Wed 10, Jan 2018 at 10:54am
  • User-anonymous wayz2020 Flag

    Thank you for replying back. The legal advisor has said i must pick up children myself at 12pm and drop them back at 4pm so won't be able to have someone collect the children and bring them to me. But if she starts her behaviour how do I prove it to the court when I go back in April? Because on one occasion when I went to collected the children and she started I said to the children "come on lets" to avoid the shouting so as I was walking with the children away she said "hold on you and kids aint going nowhere and she followed us and stopped us. And It took over an hour before I was able to leave with the children and i booked for me and children to go bowling and missed the time so children missed out because of it. At that time I was very stressed and upset and the same with children. And it's got worse because I'm married and moved on but I've always done what I can to be the children's lives. Most men would of said I've had enough but after 8 years I'm trying. And I feel in her eyes she's not putting the children first, she's more interested in making my life difficult as possible

    Wed 10, Jan 2018 at 12:17pm
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    you're doing really well to hang on in there after such a long time. I'm sure it means a lot to your children that you haven't given up.
    Who's legal adviser are you speaking with? Yours or your ex's?
    As for going back to court, it's good to keep a diary of what happens at each visit and have this information available to give to the court. If things as you have described them when you collect the children, this will come across. You're entitled to put your case for there being another arrangement for handovers on the grounds that you want to protect your children from additional stress and conflict.

    Sun 14, Jan 2018 at 5:32pm
  • User-anonymous wayz2020 Flag

    Hello thank you for your message.

    The legal advisor was in the court room who was speaking to me and my wife. We didn't get to see a judge.

    My children were happy to see me and there was no verbal abuse from their mum.

    I am going on the SPIP course in 2 weeks.

    In April when I go back to court I will say that it's time my children should be able to see their family and wife. My ex-partner Is doing what she can to prevent my children seeing my side of the family and wife and i have been with my wife for 3 years and has a big family which i am apart of now and do not want children to miss out.

    I hope in April the judge or legal advisor will see where I am coming from

    Wed 31, Jan 2018 at 2:28pm
  • User-anonymous wayz2020 Flag

    Hello Hugo, I will have a think about for sure.
    I went to the SPIP which i thought was good for myself and learnt alot on the course which will benefit my children. But a 4 hour course will definitely not help parents communicate with eachother especially if the situation was extreme.

    But im positive about my 2nd hearing coming up in less than 3 weeks

    My children have met the father of their new born brother and i had no say in that but my children said he is nice and he took my children out and got them food. But what I couldn't understand when my children told me they met him is why is it an issue for my wife who I have been with for 3 years to meet my children but she can allow her new partner to take my children out? And that is something that needs to be said in court.

    Sun 8, Apr 2018 at 7:28am