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Pregnant, newly separated and afraid

Posted by: Anonymous
Thu 20, Jul 2017 at 10:41pm
After Separation

I am 12 weeks pregnant and have split up with my partner. We split after I was made to leave his apartment where we live together because his Mother found out from him that I was pregnant. She has never liked me and does not want me to have any rights to his apartment (I pay rent) when the baby is born and grows up there. When this happened I had recently got out of hospital after a serious case of gastroenteritis. Cut a long story short, it was all very traumatic and I felt threatened in the situation, both by him and his Mother and have ended the relationship and moved into my own rented flat that same day. I have reported it to the police but not asked them to follow up with them but it is on record.

They are a powerful and wealthy family and are now threatening me with legal action (I am not sure quite what for). I am receiving abusive messages from him that I am not responding to. I am very afraid they will take the baby from me when it is born. Rationally, I can see this wouldn't be that simple and I do have rights but I feel powerless and afraid and anxious about him having any involvement in the child's life in light of the recent behaviour I have witnessed.
I have also found out that his brother's ex, left him in the middle of the night with their baby and the baby's passport and is now living in Australia.

Now as a single mum-to-be, I find myself facing a very different situation, supporting the child on my own and balancing my career and bringing them up, while trying to protect my child and me from him and his family. I have been advised to tell him that the baby is not his to try and deter them but It is such an awful lie and surely he can still push for a DNA test once the baby is born.

Put bluntly, I am considering an abortion in order to make this situation go away as I don't know if I will be able to cope as a single Mum with him and his family also being in my life and the power that they have. I know this is not the reason to get an abortion but despite having a great therapist, I cannot seem to remove this issue to think clearly about my future and the future of my child.

Any advice much appreciated.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    It's very tough to be feeling the feelings that early pregnancy brings while also feeling so threatened by the attitude of your ex and his family.
    I felt relieved when I read at the end of your post that you are receiving help from a therapist. I hope that will help you to weigh up what going a through with an abortion would mean for you and whether it would be the right decision for you, both now, in the short term, and in the future.
    On a more practical note, you mention the abuse you are suffering and your fear of the power that your ex may be able to impose. My suggestion about this would be to consider contacting one of the organisations that offer advice and support to women who are suffering abuse from their male partners or ex partners, such as 'Women's Aid' or 'Refuge'. They are both easy to find on line. .
    Let me know what you think.
    Good luck.

    Sat 22, Jul 2017 at 7:32am