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Restarting proceedings

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 10, Oct 2017 at 3:44pm
After Separation

Hi All, hoping someone can advise and for those who read this or reply thank you for your time!

Will look to keep as brief as possible.

i split with my ex partner some years ago. We have 2 beautiful boys and for 2.5 years after we split we shared custody 50 /50. things were going well and the boys were happy at moms and dads and my ex partner and i we were even getting on better.

This drastically changed when i got with my new partner. contact was stopped and i spent over a year and half going through the courts.

the boys had confirmed independently to others that at the time contact was stopped they were happy at both parents. This has drastically changed whilst ive had no contact and they now want nothing to do with me or my family.

A psychologist had concluded that their mother had failed to encourage a relationship with me and that the boys were aware of court proceedings etc...

it was ordered that a specialist child worker should attend once a month for 9 months to read letters to the boys from me and ensure that encouragement was taking place. It was felt it would cause the boys too much anxiety and stress to go straight to direct contact. Its probably here i should state that the psychologist, cafcass and even the childrens solicitors were all supportive of getting back to direct contact. Proceedings were then brought to a close stating that in 9 months i could bring it back to court if needed and not have to go through all the fact finding hearings etc as these have already been done.

im now 6 months into this order and the child specialist no longer wants to visit the address due to the behavior the boys are showing. they are showing distress and anxiety. interestingly the worker had a very successful session with me when it was planned not to read my letter or anything. but the next session the boys were refusing to come in from the garden etc.. this is not logical based on the last visit and even he could not understand why the boys would react this way.

i believe my ex is still looking to keep me apart from the boys and doing and saying things to make them feel this way.

i dont want to enforce the order as i dont want to put the boys in the situation of seeing the child specialist when they are now saying they hate him too. (my ex put in complaints against everyone involved in the case) and my boys hate anyone who tries to mention me.

so this isnt about enforcing a court order the order is not fit for purpose.

How do i start the proceedings again and what application do i need to fill in?

i am not using a solicitor this time around as was given what i now found to be bad advice and frankly cant afford to spend the sums of money i did previously and so therefore am going to represent myself.

any advice anyone can give would be greatly received. i dont want to put my boys in these difficult situations but i cant rely on their mother either as with the lies told etc.. i know she is deliberately working to keep us apart.

the process put forward by the child specialist is to have their mother read my letters but that is just back where we were and she had already been found to not doing.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  This was of help to 0% of people  


  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for your post. This is a very sad state of affairs and I feel really sorry for both you and your boys that your relationship has come to this. (By the way, how old are they now?)
    I wonder what you think might have been done or said on your ex's part to cause them to feel so hostile to you and things associated with you?
    You've clearly sensed that going back to court may not necessarily be the best next step, especially for the children themselves. If you were to weigh up how successful another application might be, 0-10, how would you rate it?
    How are you keeping in touch with your children at the moment?
    Sorry about all the questions, you may well have been over these things already but I'm ho[ing we can be of more help to you.

    Wed 11, Oct 2017 at 4:59pm
  • User-anonymous (me) Flag

    Thank you for your reply.

    The boys are now 8 and 7.

    It was recorded by all parties that their mother had discussed things at court. My youngest stated to the psychologist "why did you say that for now the judge will make you see your dad".

    The cafcass officer involved, attended their mothers home with the child's solicitor. she stated that normally they would ask for the boys to play in another room while they talk but as my boys knew so much about the court proceedings they didnt need to!

    i believe the mother doesnt want my boys around my new partner and for financial reasons.

    the mother refuses to communicate at all and meets the bare minimum of our indirect contact order. i get scraps about them once a month. The mother had me removed from school letters and texts. She had me removed from next of kin at their doctors. My son broke his arm and i wasnt even told.

    Its difficult to answer the court question on a scale of 0 - 10. Their mother refuses to work with me or communicate with me and from the above is clearly not going to encourage the boys to see me. Therefore it all depends on the court seeing that and taking action. The alternative is not doing anything and allowing the years to roll on without them which cant and shouldnt be an option.

    I write them once a month which for about a year i got no reply. then the court ordered the mother to give me monthly updates on them and thats all i get. I still attend every parents evening at school and thats all i totally get. Ive never committed a crime, i have a good paying job and ive never missed paying for them yet my children can just be taken from me.

    please do not apologise for the questions, i am grateful for a response and happy and appreciative of any help.

    Thu 12, Oct 2017 at 2:35pm
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Thank you for the additional information.
    It sounds like you're doing a great job of keeping contact with your boys and staying up to date with how they are getting on. It will mean something to them that you are continuing to take an interest in them; that you are not giving up on them in spite of the attempts to write you out of their lives.
    You mentioned the court taking action. Any ideas about what that should be?

    Sat 14, Oct 2017 at 4:27pm
  • User-anonymous Me Flag

    I don't know what action they can take. But it can't be ok for a mother to block contact and deliberately cut me out without the court being able to do anything. If it was the other way round you could guarantee I would have action taken against me. It can't be possible for mothers to demand payment for the children and then have them have no involvement in those children's upbringing. It can't be right for a father to see their child grow up via pictures on a screen when have done nothing wrong. So the courts have to be the next step regardless I just don't know how to restart proceedings.

    Sun 15, Oct 2017 at 10:40am
  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Ok, so it sounds like you feel that going back to court may be your only way forward. I'm sure, due to the things were left after the last hearing, that's it's appropriate to let the court know the out come and start by requesting a review of your case and see what happens.
    I'm attaching a link to some information about the Separated Parents Information Programme. This is something that both you and your ex would attend (at different times or in different places) and which the courts can also direct to attend. It's something you might want to mention to the court:

    Let us know what you think.

    Tue 17, Oct 2017 at 8:37am