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stay or leave ?

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 19, Dec 2011 at 6:13pm

My partner and I have not been getting on for ages and we decided earler in the year to stay in the same house and live separate lives . I think it is working for him but it is driving me mad as I just cannot stand having him around and seem to snap at him and our two kids because I am so irritated all the time .I am dreading the holiday period together and suggested in the New Year we should live apart. He went mad and tells me I am a cruel mum and selfish for putting myself before the kids . In his words if I am not happy then why should the kids end up as delinquents from a single parent family !!! . my youngest is 10 and I am not sure I can cope with this for another 8 years but I love my kids and don't want to screw them up . Any advice ?

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  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    It does sound like an impossible situation...trying to stay emotionally detached from your partner when you share the house with two kids you both love! You have been together a long time if your youngest is 10. What attracted you to him in the first place? Whether you decide to stay in the same house or one of you move out, you will know how important it is for your kids that you and your partner get on well enough to be able to negotiate all the care sharing and financial arrangements necessary to prevent their sense of security and trust being undermined. If you are convinced separation is the only way forward making use of mediation may be the way forward but your partner would need to agree to that. I found the articles on mediation on this site very useful...If your partner or you are not ready for this, getting some relationship counselling might help to clarify the best way forward for both of you. The least it might do is help you separate out sufficiently to allow you to free yourself from feeling driven mad! The short video clip on 'stages of relationships' is brilliant...have a look . I'd be interested in knowing what you think.

    Tue 20, Dec 2011 at 11:29am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    Hi again, if you click on the address below you'll get to the 'Changes and stages of relationships ' I mentioned above.

    Tue 20, Dec 2011 at 11:40am
  • User-anonymous Anonymous Flag

    I ended up living like this for 18 months before me and my ex separated so I know how you feel. The only way I coped was for us to avoid each other as much as possible. I'd stay at friends or my sister's at weekends and there were some nights when I went out and he gave the children tea. Sounds weird now but at the time it was the only way to avoid having tension and rows in front of the kids. They got used to us never being together as a family. My advice - give each other lots of space and take it in turns to get out of the house!

    Thu 22, Dec 2011 at 8:25pm