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What the hell do we say

Posted by: Anonymous
Fri 17, Feb 2017 at 8:38am


So a bit of advice is needed. I found out last week that my wife has been unfaithful. We have been a bit distant for a while and decided to go to counciling in January. I actually feel this was a box ticking exercise as after I did my upmost to take everything on board she did this. She says it is over and is not willing to try and make it work. She has 'checked out' in her words.

We have 2 children 5 & 1. In January my wife said she needed space so I went to my parents for a week but it was to hard and I believed that being apart was the first step to divorce. We lied to my eldest as to the reason why I was at my parents. And came back home after 7 days.

We are now at a different cross roads. After finding out about the adultery we told my daughter I was away with work last week and this week visiting an ill friend.. We face time every morning and every night where I read her a bed time story. The plan was for me and the wife to live seperated under the same roof but I have now decided that this would be too difficult and I need to grieve the loss of our marriage. With upcoming business trips for both me and the wife I do need to be going back home to care for the children. The house need to be put on the market and sold for us to be able to set up 2 homes so we are miles away from this being finalised.

The problem is my daughter is not stupid We can't keep lying to her anymore but I don't know what the best approach is going to be.

I will be splitting my time between parents and brothers but as said going back to care or them a few times over the coming 5 weeks and also seeing the children on the weekends.

I am home this weekend as my wife is away and she returns on Saturday. The plan is to sit my daughter down on Sunday to tell her something but I just don't know what. I will then stay around the house all day to answer any questions etc.

Do we say something like mummy and daddy need some time apart to decide what to do for the future. Daddy will be coming back regularly to see you and look after you but the rest of the time daddy will be staying at uncle whatever.

Just some advice would be awesome and gratefully received during this difficult time.

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, so sorry to hear that you and your partner are separating - a very difficult time for all of you.
    Also sorry that you haven't had a reply to your past sooner than this as I guess the plan for talking to your daughter has already passed.
    But I hope it's not too late to let you know that what you had in mind sounds fine. I guess your daughter may be thinking/hoping this isn't permanent. No need to do anything about that straightaway. In any case, it may be too soon even for the two of you to know for sure whether this is really 'it'.
    I guess the other 'rule', if you can manage it, is not to say anything that you may have to go back on later. Also try not to say too much in response to your daughter's questions - just monitor yourselves a bit and avoid using answering her questions as an opportunity to get things off your chest. You probably don't need me to say this but I will anyway- don't say anything about each other that will make her question or doubt the 'rightness' of her still loving both of you.

    Sun 19, Feb 2017 at 5:05pm