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what to tell your children when having a break

Posted by: Anonymous
Tue 20, Jun 2017 at 3:02am
separation,trial separation,time off

Hi! I'm new here and I have a question. My husband wants time off from our marriage, we have two children 6 and 8 (girls), he tells me he still loves me but he wants to clear his mind. Do I tell my children we are separated, even if we think we'll get back together? He got an apt and he travels during the week, last week was the first time he took the kids to sleep at the apt, since we hadn't told our kids we were separated, my oldest daughter wanted to go back home and we just accepted it and stayed together as a family. I feel so bad to tell them the truth! Please help!

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  • Pc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    I'm so sorry to hear about this tricky situation.
    It sounds like you're feeling that the future between you and your husband is uncertain and maybe this has filtered down to your children. I bet they're pretty sharp at their age!!
    As for the truth, I suppose even the two of you don't know exactly what this might be. All that's certain is that you are currently living apart.
    However, your children don't need to know the exact details of why. It's just important that you tell them something that they can understand and that will hold up to any questions they may have. (leave room for these - they will show you how much they understand and what else they want to know).
    So, 'dad wants to live on his own for now' might be enough to trigger a conversation led by them. Watch out for clues that they think it might be their 'fault' and be prepared to make it clear that it isn't!
    It may be that when they're clearer about what's going on, they feel more confident about going to stay with their dad. Their reluctance about that might be because they're worried about you and may need re-assurance that you'll be fine. (Find something really good to do while they are away so that you can feel positive and up-beat about the change of routine - this might also help to re-assure them).
    May be start with some short visits to Dad's new place to let them get used to it and, hopefully, come away wanting more!

    Wed 21, Jun 2017 at 2:06pm